Drive Me Crazy
by Temporarily Unavailable
Summary: Somewhat parody to the movie. Lily is popular and James despises the popular crowd, but when they want to make their ex's jealous they decide to join forces. But it's not all clear cut as it seems. My first fan-fic so be kind!
1. Default Chapter

"...and then we both looked into each other's eyes. His were a shade of chocolate with a speck of caramel coloring near the pupil and then he..." Lily didn't continue because someone on the other side of the table let out a giant snort of laughter that echoed through the room. Remus Lupin had tried for several minutes not to laugh at Lily's account of how she "hooked up" with her boyfriend Barty Crouch, Jr., but he just couldn't help it. Zoe, Lily's friend looked at him with narrowed eyes and asked him what was so funny.   
  
"Nothing. It's just that it sounds exactly like a line from one of the romance novels my mom reads," he and his friends James, Sirius, and Peter laughed.   
  
"So you read romance novels now, huh Lupin? I would never have guessed," she said slyly.  
  
"Nah, I prefer to read magazines with pictures of girls who actually look like they come out into the sun every once in a while." This remark was aimed at Zoe who was, in all truth, very pale.   
  
"It's not my fault I'm so pale. After all, my father was a vampire!" Zoe shot back in her defense.  
  
"Yes, now that I think about it, that would explain the fact that you can't get a date with a guy without the use of hypnosis." A few of the guys chuckled at this.  
  
"My dear Remus, you seem to be confusing hypnosis with charm," she smiled.  
  
"Charm?" he snorted, "Try frightening the poor guy 'til he agrees to be seen in public with you." Zoe was about to reply when Dumbledore stood up for the morning announcements.   
  
"Good Morning everyone. I would just like to remind you that suggestions are still welcome concerning the Founder's Day ball. Remember, your parents are welcome to come if they like." With the mention of parents and the thought of embarrising moments of cheek-pinching and the "oh is that your date? She/he's cute!"s the students groaned, causing Dumbledore to chuckle and then sit down. The moment Dumbledore's buttocks touched the seat, Lily shot up from hers and launched into her ideas for the ball.   
  
  
"So I was thinking that we could have a theme to prevent fashion mishaps and to have uniform, yet stylish dress. The guys can all wear suits with a dark blue shirt--no tie--and the girls can wear either black or silver. That way we can all match and we can borrow each other's things if we..." Lily was interrupted again during her speech by another rude snort by James and his friends.   
  
"And what, may I ask, is so funny this time Lupin?" asked Zoe looking straight at Remus ready to pick another fight.  
  
"I was just picturing one of you asking the other to borrow a silver or black thong," This caused his friends to roar with laughter.  
  
"Now why would we ask each other for one when we could just as easily ask you?" she asked with an innocent smile and slight raise of her left brow.   
  
"Oh that's right, you wouldn't want to ask any of your friends for one after that "incident" in the dorms AND you yourself wouldn't have one because they don't allow you in the underwear department of a store anymore after your little...escapade with the mannequin," replied Remus just as innocently. Zoe turned a dangerous shade of red.   
  
  
Zoe's teeth clentched slightly and her voice quivered, "That's not how it happened and you damn well know it, Lupin!"   
"Then would you care to enlighten us?" asked James fully enjoying watching her falter, since it was a rare sight. "Because I heard about that lil' story just as Remus had heard it. In fact, the lot of us heard about it."   
  
"Well," she started to muster an explanation, but she was cut off by Dumbledore standing up with another announcement.   
  
"I would like to assure the Slytherins that the red dye will come off in a few hours time and we will find out who did this and how." There was a slight tug at the corners of his mouth as his eyes flickered over to the Gryfindor table. More specifically as his eyes focused on James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter who were trying to look nonchalant.   
  
In reality they were up at 5 a.m. sneaking into the Slytherin bathrooms booby trapping the faucets so that instead of water red dye would pour out. Everyone knew it had to be Potter and his gang since they loved to torment the Slytherins (and the Quidditch teams)   
  
"I wonder how long it will take them to realize the dye won't come off for another week," said Sirius to his friends.  
  
"Probably as long as it takes them to realize who did it," smiled James.  
  
"Which won't be that long," said a stern voice behind them. They turned around and saw the face of the strictest teacher in Hogwarts, Professor McGonagal.  
  
"Hello Professor," replied Sirius in a cheery tone.   
  
"You four!! In my office in 5 minutes. I'm sure you don't need directions there."  
  
"Directions?! Ha, what they need are personalized beds. Since they visit it so many times they mine as well sleep there too," laughed Lily's friend Zoe.   
  
"This coming from the girl who sleeps in a different bed every night," whispered Remus suggestively to his surrounding friends and just loud enough for Zoe to hear him. Before she could reply Peter spoke up, "Come on guys, we better go before Remus and Zoe go at it again and McGonagal loses her temper. She's really horrible when she gets pissed." And with that they walked towards her office. On the way there they heard the Slytherin girls in the bathroom screeching as they tried to get the red out of their hair. The boys supressed their laughter and elbowed eachother with smiles dancing in their eyes. Those boys were real trouble-makers and they knew they would be punished...but they loved the thrill.  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
After receiving their one month detention from McGonagal they all headed different directions. Remus to the library, Peter and Sirius to the kitchens, and James to the common room. But on his way there someone slammed into him and pushed him into the nearest broom closet. Before he could see who it was, kisses were being planted all over his face.   
  
"What did McGonagal do to you?" breathed a mysterious person in between kisses. James instantly knew it was his girlfriend, Daphne, that pushed him into the closet. 'She's been doing that a lot lately' he thought. He wrapped his arms around her small waist and she stopped her little kisses and instead breathed hotly upon James's neck.  
  
"She just gave me a month of detention. No big deal," he said. Then he leaned down and gave her a deep kiss. After they broke apart she asked him if he was going to the Underground tonight. The Underground was a small area where people go to just relax or protest. Daphne was a big protester in almost everything, from broom-flying at night as a first-year to legalizing the hatching of dragons.   
  
"Yeah, sure. My detentions don't start until tomorrow anyway," he leaned in to kiss her again but she pulled away and said, "Okay I'll see ya then. Bye James." And she walked away with a sly smile. James stared at his girlfriend and watched as her feet smoothly glided across the marbalized floor. He smiled thinking, 'She is mine and mine only'.  
  
  
~*~*~*~  
Lily was in her room with her friend Zoe getting ready for the Quidditch game. Lily and Zoe were talking about Lily's boyfriend and Lily couldn't help but smile whenever he was mentioned. After years of crushing on him he had finally come up to her and asked to be her boyfriend...they've been together for a week now, but Zoe didn't think it would last even that long.   
  
"Come on Zoe! Show me some support here. You know I've liked him since...forever. Why can't you look on the bright side of things for once?"  
  
"Because Lily, not everything in life is bright and sunny with rainbows everywhere. He's a jock and jock's are notorious for being womanizers. Besides,'"Zoe pushed, " I think he has something for that Ravenclaw keeper. What's her name? Um..Hannah." Lily started to laugh in a way that was as if she was trying to convince herself it wasn't true.  
  
"Hannah? Hannah isn't his type. She is too shy and she is su-UCH the girl-next-door-type. I don't know where you come up with these things Zoe." She laughed again but it was weaker and sounded more like a shrug-off type laugh. Lily was a very possessive person and she would do anything to keep Barty with her. She looked at her watch and said, "Come on Zoe, the Quidditch match starts in 5 minutes."  
  
"Now isn't the match Gryfindor vs. Ravenclaw? This should be interesting to say the least," said Zoe to herself. However, Lily heard her but decided to ignore her.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
"And Gryfindor scores again 70-40. Barty Crouch has definitely whipped his team into shape,one of the greatest captains Gryfindor has seen in some time!" Peter's voice screetched into the loudspeaker. Peter was the comentator because he needed the credits since his grades weren't the greatest in the world. As Barty was about to make another goal the Keeper, Hannah, blocked his path and sent him a wink. He blushed and quickly made it to the other side of the field. "Smith makes a spectacular save against Crouch and the game heads to the other side of the field and GRYFINDOR BLOCKS AND INTERCEPTS THE QUAFFLE." Everyone, save the Seekers, were making their way to the Ravenclaw side of the field. As one of the Gryfindor Chasers made it to the scoring area, a Beater knocked a Bludger towards Hannah. She was busy looking at the Quaffle to notice the Bludger. "OOOOOOO and Hannah gets hit in the stomach by a Bludger. OH GOD SHE LOST HER BALANCE!!" yelled Peter.   
  
Without hesitation Barty dived down and caught Hannah on his broom. She was sitting very close to him and her warm breath on his face was driving him insane. She threw her arms around his neck and started to thank him over and over again with a falsetto voice. As he was setting her down on the ground he heard people gasp and he looked up. The seekers saw the Snitch, the only problem was the Snitch was a few feet away from where Hannah and Barty were standing and they were definitely going to slam into them. With his Quidditch reflexes he pulled Hannah down with him and rolled away from the seekers. "AND GRYFINDOR GETS THE SNITCH. GRYFINDOR WINS! GRYFINDOR WINS!" Most of the Gryfindors were roaring with happiness. Lily, however, was looking at Hannah and Barty. They were still on the ground with Barty on top and they didn't look like they were going to get up any time soon. However, they did because the team pulled up Barty and pulled him to the castle yelling, "PARTY IN THE COMMON ROOM!"  
  
No one but Zoe noticed the fiery look in Lily's eyes as she watched the team drag Barty up to the castle. Nor did anyone notice that he was looking straight at Hannah and she, him. 


	2. Realizations and Break-ups

Disclaimer (forgot to put one up before): I don't own anything that looks remotely familiar and since I don't live in a giant mansion, I'm not J.K.Rowling.   
  
A/N: I want to thank everyone who reviewed. It renewed my confidence in this story since I really didn't like the beginning much. As for Barty Crouch Jr., I have no idea if he's really that old or not. I just needed a somewhat evil guy for this. And he did like Quidditch sooooo...on with the story.  
  
P.S. This hasn't been beta-ed since a certain beta reader couldn't get her act together. :o)~  
Chapter 2: Realizations and Break-ups  
  
  
During the Quidditch game, James and his friends (except Peter who was at the game) were at the Underground with Daphne. They were sitting in little poufs in front of a little platform, listening to someone protesting about House-elves.   
  
"How can anyone sleep at night knowing that these little creatures are running around the castle cleaning up after us and doing tasks that would take us a full week," said Andrew who was on stage and speaking with a passion.   
  
"I thought house-elves liked doing that stuff," whispered Sirius.   
  
"They do," replied James, "This guy is just rambling. He's muggle-born and doesn't understand these things, right Daph?" James turned towards Daphne who was listening with rapt attention to Andrew.   
  
"Wow. I never realized how right he was," she whispered in awe.  
  
"And not only the house-elves," continued Andrew, "but the animals in Care of Magical Creatures class are also being ridiculed."  
  
"What is he going on about?" asked Sirius, "The only things we really work with are Flubberworms and you can't tell me that they need rights too." James and Remus and started to snigger.   
  
"Is there something funny about treating these creatures with dignity?" asked a peeved Andrew.   
  
"No, nothing at all," replied Remus quickly. Everyone was starting to look there way and he really didn't like attention.  
  
"This is why, today, I introduce to you the Animal Liberation Front!"   
  
"Alf?" laughed James, "This guy is insane," he looked over at Daphne who looked at him and said, "Don't be jealous because he has something going for him and you don't!" and with that she got up and left to talk with Andrew.   
  
"Oooo crash and burn," said Sirius sympathetically while patting James on the back. James looked over at Daphne who was laughing with Andrew then turned to his friends.   
  
"Let's go to the Shrieking Shack and wait for Peter. The Quidditch game will be over by now and they're probably all celebrating in the common room," said James with obvious disgust.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
The next day Lily was sitting at the Gryfindor table next to Barty while he was retelling his account of the Qudditch game. Lily almost forgot about the incident the day before. ALMOST. She kept shooting glances towards Hannah and made sure that she (Lily) was the only girl Barty was paying attention to. Diana, another of Lily's popular friends, came up to her and asked her to meet with everyone on the Founder's Day Ball committee in five minutes by the lake. Since it was Saturday they had all day to plan. Only problem was that this left Barty wide open. Zoe promised Lily to watch Barty for her. Lily gave her a big hug and walked out with Diana. What Lily didn't realize was that Zoe had her own plans for Barty.  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
James was sitting in the dorm with his friends when there was a knock on the door. It was Peter who was temporarily missing (not doing anything evil). He came up to James with a worried look on his face.   
  
"What's wrong Peter? Forget to transfigure yourself right and you still have your tail?" asked Sirius.  
  
"That hasn't happened since 5th year and you know it, Black," replied Peter who was red from embarrassment.   
  
"So what's wrong then?" asked Remus who was working on his secret newspaper, The Mysterious Letter. Only a few people know about it, but if any of the teachers knew about it he could be in real trouble. This newspaper talks about everything from the unfairness of the Potions teacher to the mischief caused by the Slytherins (as you can see this paper bad-mouthed Slytherins). It also talked about gossip (who's with who and who's doing who) and sports and everything else that can go on in Hogwarts.   
  
"Um, James...I think you better check your girl. She's been hanging around that Andrew dude all day and they seem to be a little too close," said Peter real quick.   
  
"They are only friends," said James.  
  
"Friends don't do what I saw them doing," whispered Peter but louder he said, "I still think you should keep an eye on her. I'm your friend and I don't wanna see you get hurt." (A/N don't flame me for this. I know the guy is a jerk, but there really had to be a reason why they were all friends, right?)  
  
"Thanks Wormtail, but you don't have to worry. There is no way she likes Andrew more than me," said James with a tone of finality.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
After the meeting, where they decided to have the ball in the Great Hall instead of the Hogsmeade  
Banquet Hall, Lily went up to the common room and saw Barty waiting for her.   
  
"Hey Lily," he said then leaning in to kiss her...cheek? 'What's up with that' thought Lily. "Can we talk?" he asked while looking around making sure no one was listening.   
  
"Sure," replied Lily who thought he wanted to take things further in their relationship. They walked out of the common room and headed for an empty classroom.  
  
"Um, Lily..you know I really like you and all, but I just don't think things are working out with us." Lily looked at him like he was crazy.   
  
"Working out? We just got together. Most people still don't know about us. Only a few Gryfindors. What do you mean working out?" she asked over and over again.  
  
"It's just not Lily, I'm sorry."  
  
"Is this because of Hannah?" she asked bluntly.   
  
"Don't think that." he said with discomfort. "It's not Hannah...it...it's just me," he finished lamely. Lily saw right through him. He looked at his watch and said, "I have to go. I'll see ya later okay?" and with that he left.   
  
"Bastard," muttered Lily.  
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
James was day-dreaming in his room when someone jumped onto his bed...more like his stomach.   
  
"Oof, Daphne what are you doing?" he asked while trying to regulate his breathing.   
  
"James we need to talk," she said while straddling his waist.   
  
"And what is that?" asked James obviously thinking he knew what she wanted. He put his hands on her hips, but she pushed them away and got off. James was now confused.   
  
"James we're over," then she headed for the door. He ran up to her and pulled her back.  
  
"Over? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Well we've been going out for a long time.."  
  
"It's only been 2 months," he interjected.  
  
"..and I don't think we are seeing eye-to-eye anymore." she finished ignoring James' interruption. "Things change and I've changed. I want someone who will fight for what they want, not sit around and do nothing like you do."  
  
'Sit around and do nothing? What about being Animagi or coming up with the Marauder's Map' thought James angrily.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I think Andrew is so much better for..." but she was interrupted again.   
  
"ANDREW!! This is about Andrew! I can't believe this! Andrew 'Animal liberation Front' Anderson (A/N hehe triple 'A')."  
  
"He believes in rights for animals so passionately, something I have also believed in since I saw how mean those kids were to the bunny," said Daphne vehemently.   
  
"DAPHNE!! How many times do I have to tell you? That bunny is a cartoon. They are not starving him by not giving him any cereal."  
  
"But they always taunt him with their, 'Silly rabbit Trix are for kids' slogan! It's not right and Andrew agrees with me!" James couldn't believe he was actually having this conversation.  
  
"So that's what you want? A guy who wants rights to make-believe animals? Then go ahead Daphne, leave." and she did exactly that.   
  
"I wasn't serious," muttered James.   
  
He went down to the common room and sat next to the window at the same time Lily walked in. She went upstairs and Zoe went after.   
  
"How much you want to bet that those to are gay?" asked Remus loudly.   
  
"How much you want to bet that you and your buddies have four-somes every night?" Zoe shouted back.   
  
"My dear you would loose that bet in an instant," he laughed. Zoe spun on her heel and continued her pursuit of Lily.   
  
"What's up James?" asked Sirius.   
  
"Daphne broke up with me."  
  
"I told you," said Peter.   
  
"She's not worth your time," said Sirius. Remus agreed.   
  
"She's seeing Andrew now!" This caused them to laugh.   
  
"Andrew the animal 'Moses'? Man, you really don't need her," laughed Sirius.   
  
"I guess you guys are right," replied James though deep down he didn't believe it. "You guys want to pull something on the Quidditch team? That Barty is really starting to annoy me."  
  
"I heard he dumped Lily and is now seeing that Hannah chick," informed Peter.   
  
"The one in Ravenclaw?" asked Remus.  
  
"Yeah you know that he goes for the blond hair and blue eyed girls," said Sirius. "So about that prank..."  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
Lily sat in her room looking in the mirror. 'Is it because I'm fat? Or because of my red hair? Maybe my emerald eyes? I bet it's my boobs.' These thoughts were running through Lily's mind, wondering why Barty would break up with her.   
  
"It's not because of what you look like," said Zoe reading her mind (not literally), "It's because he's a jerk. He's so shallow and conceited. He wants someone to complement him on his looks and his Quidditch skills (if you want to call them 'skills') 24/7. He's not worth your time."   
  
"On a higher note," continued Zoe, " I heard James broke up with that freaky-girl. The one with the piercings on her face and that dark red hair. I think her name is Chloe or Zoe or something like that."   
  
"What's so funny about that?" asked Lily.   
  
"Well, 1. He is now fully miserable and you know how much I hate him and his friends, and 2. To vent out his frustration, they will be pulling pranks on someone and I think it's the Gryfindor Quidditch team this time," said Zoe as though this was the most obvious thing in the world. Lily smiled.   
  
"I hope it's good," smirked Lily.   
  
"Even though I hate to admit it, it probably will," replied Zoe while handing Lily a chocolate frog. "Chocolate is good for stress," she smiled. And they munched on the chocolate frogs while thinking up pranks that James and his friends might pull. 


	3. The Ex's Conspire

Disclaimer: Okay, I took a lot of lines from the movie so if anything looks familiar, then it's not mine.   
  
A/N: Sorry this chapter took a while to come out. Once again my beta reader bailed on me, so I'm might be looking for a new one soon. I'm already half way done with chapter 4 and it should be up by next week the latest...hopefullly. I would also like to thank everyone who reviewed. It always makes my day to read what people thought of my story.   
  
Chapter 3: The 2 ex's conspire  
  
  
It had been a week since James and Lily got dumped by there former boy/girlfriends. James vented out some of his frustration on the Gryfindor Quidditch team by putting itching powder on all of there brooms. Incidentally, he put the powder the same time Gryfindor had a game with Ravenclaw. Gryfindor had to forfeit the game due to...itchiness. Furthermore, much to James' satisfaction the Slytherin Quidditch team received the blame for it. But, most of the time James walked around as if the whole world ended. Lily, however, walked around like nothing happened. She was still upbeat and very perky.   
  
One night there was a huge party at the Three Broomsticks and everyone was invited. Lily went with a bunch of friends, not real friends, they were more like a posse. They hung around with each other because of their status as the most popular people in the school. They sat around at their 'cool' table and started up a conversation. In reality they were just making fun of everyone they didn't really like at Hogwarts.   
  
"Did you believe what Parkinson was wearing. Can you say slut?"  
  
"I can't believe you kissed another girl and she wasn't even in the same social class."  
  
"At least I didn't kiss James Potter."  
  
"James Potter? Who kissed James Potter?"  
  
And the conversation kept going from one shallow topic to another. Lily on the other hand was busy getting drunk on butterbeer (which was very hard to do since it barely had any alcohol in it). She had gotten extremely upset when she found out that Barty was taking Hannah to the Ball.   
"He says he's in love," informed Zoe.  
  
In the end she ended up getting so drunk she couldn't even stand up without holding on to something.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
Out by the lake, James and his friends were sitting around waiting for Sirius' dream girl.  
  
"Who is this girl anyway?" asked James.   
  
"She's this girl that I've been owling for over a year now. I've never seen her before, but she said she'd meet up with me tonight." replied Sirius trying to mask his excitement.   
  
"Pen pal girls are hot," said James. There was a murmur of assent between the boys. Just then an owl landed on Peter's head. He opened it up and sighed. James suddenly got angry.   
  
"Pete, I thought you were gonna quit that 'sneak in the drunks through secret passages' this year."  
  
"I can't do that. If they get caught then they will never be allowed to go out again," retorted Peter.  
  
"So what? If they wanted have their parties then they wouldn't get so drunk or at least they would learn how not to get caught. Why should we care?" shouted James as he ran after Peter.   
  
"Well actually, this is a good thing," replied Remus thoughtfully.   
  
"How so?" asked Sirius.  
  
"Well think about it...if they get caught they will tell all the teachers about that passage to get them in the school. Then the teachers will suspect that we know more than one passage, which we do, and then they will lock all of them up. Then we will be stuck in this school for weeks on end without any Honeydukes," finished Remus dramatically. Sirius fell in a mock faint and all the guys laughed.   
  
"Plus," added Sirius as he got up, "if they stop going to parties then they will end up swarming the common room or the kitchens." All four shuddered at the thought.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
  
Zoe was pulling Lily away from the party after an unexpected strip show staring Lily. She had to half drag half carry her out to the clearing near the school.   
"Look at him all over her," She said looking at two people making out. "I think I'm gonna go over there and..." she tried to pull away but Zoe pulled her back.   
  
"Don't go making a bigger ass of yourself tonight," sighed Zoe. She then looked up and saw Remus and his friends. "Well, well looks like someone actually showed up on time."  
  
"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't always you that gets drunk and starts to strip and give lap dances to poor unexpected guys...and girls," he said with a weird glint in his eyes. Zoe turned red at the memory of 4th year when she got drunk and gave a lap dance. Zoe was about to reply when Lily, who had blanked out for a second looked up and saw the four pranksters.   
  
"You called for them to sneak me back to the castle," Lily whined indignantly.   
  
"What? Did you expect me to take you back to the castle myself so you can puke all over my outfit...again. Yeah right!"  
  
"Hey Peter!" someone yelled. They turned and saw the Gryfindor seeker and keeper carrying Barty. "You think you can sneak Barty back up to the castle with you?" they asked although there was no way Peter was going to say no to them.   
  
"Yeah sure." They dumped Barty in the back of one of the horseless carriages Sirius "borrowed" from the school along side Lily. She saw Barty then leaned forward and saw Zoe give an evil smile.   
  
"Girl gets two-faced boy in back seat of a carriage...violence anticipated." (A/n sorry couldn't resist!)   
  
As the carriage made its way to the castle James and Remus got in and sat by Lily and Barty. Sirius and Peter were outside guiding the carriage.   
  
Lily looked over at Barty. "You are nothing but a jerk," she slurred, trying to focus on Barty. "I thought you were taking me to the Ball, you asshole," she spat. Barty winced but replied, "I was gonna take you Lil I swear I was, but then I met Hannah and fell in love," he finished dreamily.   
  
"So I've heard," said and irritated Lily. She was gonna stay quiet and give him the silent treatment, but decided better of it. "How can you fall in love! You are only 17. Teenage love is for saps." During this James and Remus were trying hard not to laugh but James let out a snort anyway.   
  
"Sure, go ahead and laugh. Yeah just yuk it up clowns?" shouted Lily.   
  
"Can you drop me off here?" asked Barty, "I can make my way back..I can sneak back into the common room myself."  
  
"I don't think you should...," started Peter but Lily yelled, "You heard the man! He said he wants to get out so let him out!" When the carriage stopped Lily practically pushed him out.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
Inside the common room, James escorted Lily to her room. The reason being last time Lily tried to get up to her room when she was drunk she almost fell out the window. He helped her into her room and said goodnight.   
  
"Lily," said James before leaving, "are you okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine," she snapped, Then, softer she whispered "Thanks anyway."  
  
When James left she slowly got up and locked the door. She then took out her yearbook, looking for possible date for the Ball.   
  
"Anderson...total loser...Bernard...womanizer..." she kept rating the guys until she reached the end of the yearbook "Malfoy..evil jerk...Nicolas...going with Abrealla(sp?)... Snape..slimy and needs a haircut...Thomas...needs bobtuber pus...Zen...picks his nose in class. Argh I can't find anyone." She threw down the book and it landed on a page that she skipped. She picked it up stared at it. It was the page with James' picture on it. It was taken the year before when he decided to give up on haircuts. His dad made him get one when he came back home for the summer, but it was still long and untidy. She stared at it for a long time before getting up and going to the boys dorm.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
The guys were getting undressed to go to sleep when there door banged open. "You three," she pointed at Remus, Sirius, and Peter, "out! Potter you stay." They left but not without giving a few catcalls and telling James to give them all the details later.   
  
"What do you want now? Your not gonna strip for me, are ya?" laughed James.   
  
"Take me to the ball?" she asked. It sounded more like a command.  
  
"What are you insane? Me go with you?" asked a shocked James.   
  
"Come on," she whined while sitting on his bed. "Please? I'm desperate," she pouted.   
  
"Oh...well then," said James giving her an 'I'm-not-amused' look.  
  
"Your not offended," she huffed. "Come one, we can save each other..from disgrace."  
  
"You are crazy," repeated James.  
  
"Look everyone knows about me and Barty. I can't go to the biggest party of the year stag. I know people are going to talk behind my back and laugh at me when I'm not around. There gonna say 'Hey look there's Lily-The Loser," she then slumped down onto James' lap.   
  
"Your drunk," said James stating the painfully obvious. She gave him a puppy dog look, which under normal circumstances she would never do. James looked at her and smiled a bit. He then asked, "What's in it for me?" She looked him in the eye then whispered in his ear seductively, "If you have to ask then your not as smart as you think." She even went as far as to run her hands through his messy hair which was surprisingly soft. She looked at his expression, but he looked unfazed.   
  
"Okay, okay look I can't go stag because I'm the one who practically declared it illegal to go to the Ball alone. Besides," she said rounding on him, "everyone knows about you and Daphne. What'll they say when they find out she dumped you for House-elf boy and your going around like a love sick puppy." he flinched at her words but still said nothing.   
  
"I'll let you sleep on it," she said and she got up to leave. However, instead of heading for the door she headed for the window.   
  
"Whoa, this way," smirked James as he lead her towards the door and into her dorm room. His friends saw her come down so they decided to go back up but thankfully none of them asked James what happened.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
After a spending a whole night thinking of what Lily said and thinking about how Daphne would react James made his decision.   
  
  
He went up to Lily's room Saturday morning and woke her up. She was having a slight hangover so she ended up sleeping in late. Everyone else in her dorm (who were also part of the Founder's Day Ball committee) left hours ago.   
  
James gently awoke her and she got up with a groan. Without any introductions he said, "We are gonna have to have some rules and an easy out clause." She then gave him a look that clearly said, 'Duh' and then said, "Of, course we are going to have rules. We have to make it believable if we want to pull this off. Then the second the plan is over we can go back to out lives...and social status." She looked him up and down and said, "Okay, first things first. We are gonna have to clean you up."  
  
"Clean me up? How much cleaning up are we talking about?" asked James though he already knew the answer.   
  
"First we have to get you a whole new wardrobe."She said eyeing his torn sleeved shirt and pants with holes in them. She then ruffled his hair and said, "And we have to give you a hair cut...something like Barty's," she added as an afterthought.   
  
"There is now way I'm cutting my hair like his. The way he cut it looks like someone hacked it off. Besides won't it be a little suspicious if I get the same haircut?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess your right. But we are still gonna cut it short. Maybe even spike it. What about your glasses?"  
  
"What about them?"  
  
"We are gonna have to get you contacts to show of your adorable eyes," she smiled. James dismissed the compliment due to her headache and the fact that she wasn't looking straight at him but a little to the left of him instead.   
  
"Contacts?" asked James nervously.  
  
"Your still not afraid to touch your eye are you?" laughed Lily.   
  
"What do you mean still?"  
  
"I remember in second year your got an eyelash in your eye and you wouldn't touch your eye at all." Lily burst out laughing, "You walked around all day with your eye twitching."  
  
"Okay! Okay!" cried James trying to get her to stop laughing. She did stop suddenly when her headache came back full force. She took a few deep breaths and continued.   
  
"So no contacts...how about new glasses? I know you can afford them."  
  
"What kind of new glasses?" asked James "'Cause I'm not gonna get a pair that is really small or girly looking." He crossed his arms across his chest as if to emphasize his point.  
  
"I'll think of something," smiled Lily at his baby-ish attitude. "But first we have to go shopping. "  
  
'Shopping?' thought James with dread and he was pushed out of the room for Lily to change and then was pulled towards Hogsmeade. 


	4. A Plan in Action (A/N included!)

Chapter 4: Plan in Action  
  
  
After a tiresome and, in James' opinion, gruesome weekend of shopping for the new James it was finally time to test out the new change.   
  
"Come on out James! It can't be that bad," Lily yelled through the door to the boy's dorm.   
  
"Your not seeing what I'm seeing!" he shouted back. They had been going at this for a half hour. James just couldn't believe he let Lily talk him into this. 'It's not to late to turn back' he thought.   
  
"James don't you dare chicken out on me. It's too late to turn back now!" James swung the door open.   
  
"How did you know I was thinking that?" he asked, wide-eyed.   
  
"Your not that difficult to read," she said dismissively looking at James. He was about to say something about being very unreadable when Peter bounded up the stairs.   
  
"Hey Lily," he said not noticing James, "I know about what happened with Barty and all, and I just want you to know that if you can't find a date and your really desperate I can always take you," he said sincerely.   
  
"Well thanks Peter, but James and I agreed to go together. Right James?" For the first time Peter saw James and he had to hold on to the railing so as not to fall down the stairs. James was wearing khaki pants with a light blue button up shirt, a short leather jacket and thin framed glasses. What was the biggest shocker was that his hair was short and actually tame! (Lily was always able to work her own magic when it came to hair).   
  
"James! W-w-what are you wearing? Did you lose another bet?"   
  
"No I just..." he started but was interrupted by Lily.   
  
" I gotta go James. Got a quick meeting this morning. I'll see ya later," and with that she left. Two seconds later her spot was filled with Sirius and Remus who, four seconds later, were on the floor laughing.   
  
After they calmed down a bit Sirius said, "Oh I get it! This is like the time you dressed up for the Pretty Miss Hogwarts Pageant isn't it?" Peter and Remus were sure that this was the reason.   
  
"No this is to get Daphne back." They gave him a weird look. "This can work. What does Daphne hate more than school?"  
  
"Rules?"  
  
"Bathing?"  
  
"Zoe?... No that's me."  
  
"No..well maybe...but she really hates Lily 'Miss Popularity' Evans and all the happy perky stuff she does."   
  
The three guys looked at each other and nodded in agreement, James had finally gone off the deep end.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
Lily and James sat close together at breakfast and let the rumors form all on there own.   
  
"Oh my gosh, did you hear? They are going out!"  
  
"I heard that there past relationships didn't work because they were caught in a broom closet together."  
  
"I thought it was in the Astronomy Tower."  
  
"No, no. They were caught in the broom closet near the Astronomy Tower."  
  
"Oooohhhh."   
  
"I think someone slipped them a Love Potion. There is no way that they are going out of their own free will! They totally hate each other." Soon all the chatter stopped when Dumbledore stood up.   
  
"Attention students! Please remember that the Giant Squid doesn't cope well with people practicing their disarming spells on him. He can and might retaliate and I'm sure Madame Pomfrey won't be pleased. Also remember the Quidditch game tonight. Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff (last game was Gry vs. Rav) Cheer on your fellow house-mates and classmates.   
  
"We're going to that tonight," Lily whispered to James.   
  
"A Qudditch game! That wasn't part of the deal," he hissed back.   
  
"James we have to! It's one thing to look like I'm going to the ball with a friend, it's another when it looks like I paid the guy."  
  
Sirius leaned over, "You're getting paid?"   
  
While they laughed and Daphne looked on, disgusted at the merriment and whispered conversations between Lily and James.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
  
Remus and Sirius were walking by the lake talking to James about his new look.   
  
"Did you see the way McGonagal looked at you? I think she thought that you were gonna pull something. If you did this would make a hell of a lot more sense." rambled Sirius. James ignored him while Remus seemed to be daydreaming. As they kept walking they saw Peter walking towards the Quidditch pitch to get ready for the game.   
  
"HEY JAMES!" he yelled. "NICE PANTS!"  
  
Remus and Sirius burst out laughing.   
  
"He still thinks this is a joke," sighed James.   
  
"James, this is a joke. In fact, this is the ultimate prank!" said Remus.   
  
"I still don't think you know what your doing," said Sirius.   
  
"Look," James said exasperated, "Daphne isn't the type of girl who will swoon over something little..."  
  
"Daphne doesn't 'swoon' over anything," interrupted Remus.   
  
"Sometimes to get what you want you have to go to the extremes," finished James.   
  
"Did I hear something about extremes?" asked a voice behind them. James turned around and was face to face with Daphne.   
  
"What would you care?" he asked trying to be nonchalant, but at the same time trying to control his heartbeat.   
  
"I don't know James...this look...it isn't you."  
  
"Who knows me? I don't even know me."  
  
"I know you," she said quietly. Then a little louder, "Don't let Lily Evans change you." And with that she left. James watched her leave with a little smile on his face. 'This is soooo working' he thought.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
As Remus left James so he can change to go to the Qudditch game (Heaven Forbid he wore the same thing for more than 4 hours) he decided to head down to the kitchen before the A.L.F's chain themselves to the door and protest house-elf enslavement, then head up to his room and figure out what the latest issue of the Letter should feature. As he was walking he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and smashed into something solid.   
  
"Oh, hey I'm sorry," he apologized quickly, holding on to the person so they wouldn't topple over.   
  
"Damn it Lupin! Watch where your going," screeched the voice known as Zoe.   
  
"Oh it's just you," said Remus letting her go. She stumbled back a bit.   
  
"Look, you made me drop all my stuff," she whined pointing at the floor. Then he did something neither of them thought was ever possible...he bent down and picked up all her books and papers and handed them to her.   
  
"Sorry about that. Now look I have to head down to the kitchens before Anderson and his buddies get there, so later," he said quickly and ran down the hallway, though it had nothing to do with his hunger or the A.L.F's. He left before he could hear the whispered 'Thank you' from Zoe.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
  
"AND HUFFLEPUFF SCORES!!!!!" screamed Peter through the megaphone. The score was 70:70 with Hufflepuff putting up a great defense. 3/4 of Hogwarts were cheering for the Hufflepuffs and 1/4 was cheering for its own house, Slytherin. One side of the stands was doing the wave, and when it came to James he just stayed in his seat.   
  
"Come on James. I know this isn't like your bongo parties or whatever you do, but try to enjoy yourself," pleaded Lily.   
  
"First off, we don't have 'bongo parties' and second off I am enjoying myself," said James.   
  
"You are?" asked Lily incredulously.  
  
"Yeah, granted it is more...peppy...than what I'm used to, but I guess Quidditch is my sinful pleasure," he said with a sly smile..   
  
"Really? You? Qudditch?" She couldn't believe it.   
  
"Lily, come now, I've grown up in a wizarding home. Not like Qudditch? It's just not possible. It's unheard of! I would have tried out for the house team, too, if it wasn't for..." he suddenly stopped.   
  
"If it wasn't for what?" Lily gently urged. James looked down at his hands and Lily immediately understood. "If it wasn't for your mom?" He looked up and gave a sad smile.   
  
"I was gonna join in order to make her happy, and I thought that if she was happy then she would get better. But..." he stopped again trying to blink the tears out of his eyes.   
  
"But she died the summer before third year," Lily finished for him.  
  
"Yeah...." he said looking at the people on the brooms. Lily was about to give him a hug when he suddenly got up and murmured a quick "I'll be back in a minute" and left. Lily felt bad for having brought up this sensitive subject, but she was a firm believer in dealing with your problems and not keeping it inside. Especially when it involved James Potter. Last time he kept his emotions bottled in, he punched a hole in the dungeon wall. And that was no easy wall to punch. Not all the potions and charms in the world were able to cure his hand; he had to do it the muggle way with a cast.   
  
"Hey Lily," smiled Zoe as she next to Lily.   
  
"Hey Zoe, where were you?"  
  
"I wanted to get some things to make this more enjoyable."  
  
"Like what?" asked Lily and Zoe pulled out a thermos of hot chocolate.(a/n Did I mention the Ball is in November? No? Well..) "Excellent!"   
  
"So," said Zoe while pouring out some chocolate, "what is going on with you and James Potter?"  
  
"Nothing is going on," said Lily with a straight face.  
  
"Nothing huh? It didn't look like 'nothing.' You two seem very close. Too close for people who are supposed to hate each other."  
  
"We don't hate each other. We used to be great friends before 4th year."  
  
"So, what happened?"  
  
"Puberty," said Lily. Zoe burst out laughing just as James came back with some of the Gryfindor Quidditch team.   
  
"They all had big heads," he was saying.   
  
"Yeah, but they were living large," said Bryan Nicolson, a Chaser.  
  
"But look were living large got them," said Arthur Weasley, the Keeper (A/N I had to put in a Weasley!).   
"Living large or not," continued James, "After they won the World Cup they started forgetting about playing Quidditch and concentrating on how many magazine covers and underwear ads they were gonna be featured in."  
  
"That's what I'm saying," agreed Arthur, slapping James on the back.   
  
"Who cares? They will be remembered for that match forever," argued Bryan.  
  
"No, they will be remembered for winning one game, and then becoming a sell-out team just when everyone thought they were on top," retorted Arthur as he put his arms around his steady girlfriend, Molly. Bryan did the same with Arabella, a girl he had been dating on and off for a year, and James decided to put his around Lily. Much to his surprise, and everyone else's, Lily rested her head on his shoulder. The two other couples and Zoe were staring at them, wide-eyed.   
  
"Look," continued James ignoring the looks they were giving them, "it all comes down to one issue...purity of the game. That is the reason why the Chudley Cannons haven't won a major game to date."  
  
"Damn straight!"  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
Then everyone returned to what they were doing before and Lily leaned into James.   
  
"You were right about the Quidditch thing," she smiled.   
  
"Of course I was," he said with mock superiority. Lily poked him in the ribs and they laughed. Then she got serious and said, "I'm sorry about before." He looked at her and said, "It's no problem...really!" he added seeing the look on her face. She was going to say something, but she decided not to talk about it anymore.  
  
"OHHH AND THAT WAS A DIRTY MOVE BY SLYTHERIN, BUT...WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO FOUL!!" yelled Peter into the Megaphone. There was an uproar from the stands. Everyone saw that cobbing, but the ref didn't call a foul.   
  
"Ahhh, come on what was that!" yelled Arthur.   
  
"What's wrong with you ref...are you blind. Everyone saw that! Were the hell were you!" shouted James slapping a high five with Bryan. Peter was about to comment on the audience's reaction when he saw James yelling at the referee and getting praised by the Gryfindor Quidditch team, the team that always just knew Peter, James and the others as the 'Outsiders.' Now, here was an Outsider who looked like an Insider.   
  
'Something is definitely wrong here' thought Peter.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I know I reposted this chapter about a million times. Anyways I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story so far and I'm enjoying writing it. As for grammar mistakes, when I read over the story I usually just pay attention to the 'feel' of the story. The grammar is my beta readers job, which brings me to my problem. My beta-reader has gone to a planet far far away. I have no idea where she is and the last chapter she truly beta'ed was chapter 1. So now I'm looking for a new one. If anyone is interested in being my beta-reder for this story then all be more than happy to let you.  
Another problem is that I have other stories in the works right now and since I have no beta-reader I have no opinion on them. And I like them because I truly believe they are original. If anyone is interested in that too, your more than welcome.   
My e-mail address is weird159@aol.com if you are interested or you could just review, anything would be fine. Thank you in advance :o)~ 


	5. The King and Queen of Scam

A/N Thanks to anyone who reviewed. I hope you guys like this chapter..sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes. Next chapter should be up by next week. In the mean time read my new story 'Seduce a Stranger'. It is very original if I do say so myself ;o)~   
  
Disclaimer: (keep forgetting to put one in) nothing that looks familiar belongs to me.   
  
  
Chapter 5: The King and Queen of Scam  
  
"James that was amazing," praised Lily as they left the Quidditch pitch.   
  
"Of course it was. I am me after all," said James. Lily shoved him and ran. When he caught up to her grabbed her and tickled he side. After she begged and begged he finally let her go. When she calmed down she linked her arms with his and the set off toward the other side of the castle.   
  
"Seriously, though, that was award-winning. You pulled that off so well that even I was convinced. I bow down to the King of Scam!" she said with a mock bow and much twirling of her hand.   
  
"Yes, well it's a gift," he said with a sigh and laughed at the look Lily gave him. "So what now?" he asked.   
  
"Now we go and have dinner," said Lily.  
  
"Great! I haven't seen the guys all day and we really need to think up some pranks for..." started James.  
  
"No, not dinner at the Great Hall. Dinner at the Tower," she interrupted. James suddenly froze and Lily stopped to look at him.   
  
"The Tower?" he asked in horror.  
  
"Yeah the Tower. That's where all the important people are going to be," said Lily as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.   
  
"I'm not going," he said firmly and Lily gave him an exasperated look.  
  
"James stop being a baby."  
  
"I'm not going," he repeated with a child like pout.   
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because,"  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"Because, Because," said James sounding just like a 5-year old.   
"James..." said Lily threateningly, tapping her foot and crossing her arms.   
  
"Okay, okay. In my first year I went in there in the middle of the night and there were two 7th years going at it. Happy?"  
  
"Oh James," laughed Lily, "I guess seeing a guy and a girl going at it can traumatize any 11-year old."  
  
"If it was a guy and a girl I would have been fine, but it was two..." James stopped and shuttered. (A/n I'll let your imagination decide what sex it was) "Anyway, I haven't been near that place since." He put his hand to his heart and looked at the night sky. "I still get nightmares about it," he sighed. "I can't believe I just told you that."  
  
"Come on, James," said Lily pulling his arms, "I assure you that that won't happen this time."  
  
"Promise?" he asked with a look of a scared little child. Lily let out an "awww" and gave him a hug.  
  
"I promise," she giggled.  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
"Hey, look what my parents sent me," said Remus as they sat down in the Great Hall. He pulled out a camera from his backpack and placed it on the table. It was a the sort of camera that would produce the picture right away. The only difference was that the pictures would come out moving, just like a wizard camera.  
  
"Cool!" said Sirius, "What are you going to do with it?"  
  
"He's gonna take pictures with it," said Peter with a 'duh' tone to his voice.  
  
"I know that moron," said Sirius as he hit Peter upside his head.   
  
"I'm going to take pictures for the Mysterious Letter," laughed Remus as he watched Peter rub his head. "I think that that was what the newspaper was missing. Actual proof of what I've been talking about. Like the drunken parties and the all night orgies."  
  
"Yeah, go ahead and put pictures like that," said Sirius, "then you'll have every teacher on your ass more so than ever." Remus looked thoughtful at this but then considered that he would never get caught.   
  
"You ever think of changing the name to the Werewolf Chronicles," asked Peter loudly which earned him another hit from Remus as he looked around to make sure no one heard.   
  
"Where's James?" asked Sirius suddenly, looking around for his best bud.   
"He said he would come right back after the Quidditch game," said Peter who ducked just in case someone else felt the need to hit him again.  
  
"Oh well," sighed Remus, "we'll see him at the Underground tonight."  
  
"Yeah, there's gonna be a huge party!" said a very happy Sirius.   
  
"Have you guys seen Lily?" asked a voice behind them.   
  
"No, now go away," said Remus when he recognized the voice of the half-vampire.  
  
"Shut up! God, I don't even know why I came here," she huffed.  
  
"I'll tell ya," said Remus as he got up and faced her. "The reason you came here was because you can't resist me," he said confidently.   
  
"Ha! Me? Can't resist you?"  
  
"See I knew one day you would admit it," Remus smiled triumphantly.  
  
"Oh, you finally found out my secret," said Zoe affectionately. She stepped closer to him and ran her hand up his arm slowly. "You don't know how many nights I've spent thinking of you," she whispered looking him straight in the eye. Remus suddenly turned pale and was unable to look away. " And how many times I'd see you sitting across the common room all by yourself and wish I had the confidence to go up to you and tell you how I feel." Peter and Sirius were both looking at her as if she had three heads. They couldn't believe what she was saying, and frankly, neither could Remus. Then Peter and Sirius saw her reach for Remus' camera and they were even more confused.   
  
"Really?" asked Remus breathlessly.  
  
"Really," she affirmed as she leaned in close to him. As they were about to closed the gap between them Zoe suddenly pulled back and snapped a picture of Remus with his eyes closed and lips puckered.   
  
"And you don't know how many times I love watching you make an ass of yourself," she laughed as she took the picture out of the camera and walked away. Remus blinked a few times, still confused about what just happened but was viciously brought back to reality when he heard his so-called best friends laughing.  
  
"Oh—my—God—." said Sirius in between laughs, "she—totally—got—you—"   
  
"That—was—hilarious," agreed Peter, "I—can't—believe—you—fell—for—it—"  
  
"Shut up," Remus muttered as he buried his face in his hands. 'I'm gonna get her for this' he vowed.  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
James took a deep breath and was about to step over the threshold when he stopped and turned around. Lily grabbed his arm and he took one look on Lily's face and decided to go in, instead of face her wrath. He looked around and nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except for the fact that everyone looked like they were wearing the same thing and had the same style. In fact they looked like copies of each other, and he noticed with some disgust that he was dressed like them, too.   
  
"Let's go James," said Lily and she linked her arm with his and led him to a table with all her 'friends.'  
  
"Hey everyone," said Lily with a voice different from when she talked to James. It seemed higher ad very haughty. Everyone at the table said their falsely happy 'hi's' then looked at James as he sat down. Lily gave them a look that said 'Say anything and your social status dies.' Bryan came and sat down next to James.   
  
"Hey James! How was the end of the game?" he asked.  
  
"Oh right, you wouldn't know. You were to busy with your tongue down Abrealla's throat," he said. Everyone at the table either laughed or blushed and James was automatically welcomed to their group. He only participated in certain topics and during others he just nodded and smiled or shook his head and grimaced.  
  
"Can you believe that Patrick or Paul or Peter or whatever the hell his name is?" someone asked. James head snapped up at the obvious mention of his unpopular friend.  
  
"What did he do this time? Offer to hand wash your dirty boxers?" someone else asked. The tabled roared with laugher, but Lily looked uncomfortable and James looked livid.   
  
"He wanted to know if I wanted to see his collection of muggle comic books and if I wanted to see all his other muggle stuff." Everyone around the table save James laughed and James had to hold back from punching this guy.   
  
"I like his collection," he said and everyone stopped and stared at him. "I think it's pretty cool that he has an interest in other stuff besides make-up, clothes, and how his hair looks with a certain type of gel," he snapped and with that he got up and left.   
  
"What the hell was that?"  
  
"He totally flipped out."  
  
"What a freak."  
  
Lily got up and followed James outside. She saw him pulling his shirt out of his pants and messing up the hair that Lily spent hours trying to tame.   
  
"James! What has gotten into you?" He turned to look at her and glared.   
  
"You wanted me to sit there and let them make fun of my friends?" he shouted.   
  
"Oh like you never made fun of us," she yelled back.   
  
"That's different!"  
  
"How so?"  
  
"We make fun of the self-imposed rulers of the school! Not the lowly working class!"  
  
"So its okay for you to make fun of him, but not for them?"  
  
James sighed and sat down on the ground, "That's not what I meant. Look...I've done everything you said and so far the payback has been minimum."  
  
"I'm sorry for that, but..."  
  
"We've been hanging out with your friends doing stuff you like and hanging out on your turf," he interrupted. Lily scoffed.   
  
"Your turf? Okay," she resolved, "what do you suggest we do?" James smile grew and he pulled her to the opposite side of the village.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
"Sirius! We have to go now before Filch realizes his cat isn't being tortured by the Slytherins!" yelled Remus through the door to their dorm.  
  
"I'm coming!" he shouted back. Sirius untied the letter from the owl and started to read it. It was like most of the other letters he got from this mysterious girl who called her self Abby. She and Sirius have been sending owls to each other for the past 2 years, but they never had the nerve to meet each other. He remembered the first time he got the owl, which he refers to as the mysterious letter. (It was the basis of Remus' newspaper, something that was written by a mysterious author). He was so excited and ever since then he's been writing to her and picturing what she would look like when they first met. Which was another reason he was reluctant about meeting her. What if he wasn't what she expected? He fell in love with this girl and her personality and he didn't think he could stand her rejecting him then never speaking to him.   
  
He looked over the letter and a something on the bottom caught his eye. It was a single question, but it made his heart flutter:   
  
So, are you going to the ball with anyone?  
  
That was it. She didn't say if she was going with someone or if she wanted to go with him, but he knew al about her and her technics through her letters and he knew what she was getting at. He hugged the letter to his chest and started to dance around the room.   
  
"Sirius what the hell are you doing?" asked a shocked Remus. Sirius froze and felt a blush creeping up his neck.   
  
"We better go!" he said as he stuffed the letter into a drawer and walked out past Remus and Peter.   
  
"Man he's got it bad," whispered Peter. 'When will these guys see what's in front of their faces' he thought looking between the laughing Remus and the blushing Sirius.   
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
Lily looked around and wondered why she never stepped foot here before. The Underground was dark and dingy on normal nights, but when they threw a party they knew what they were doing. The room was dim, but there were laser lights everywhere lighting the room with red, green, blue and other colors. People were out on the floor dancing, not grinding and rubbing up against each other, but dancing and having fun. Some of the dancing was really corny, but everyone was having so much fun that they didn't care. In fact, if a dance was crazy enough then everyone would do it and add their own steps to it. On stage was a local band called the Weird Sisters who were going to be big someday according to Remus who frequently wrote about them in his paper. Over to the side was a bar with anything and everything to drink from pumpkin juice to butterbeer to other stronger drinks, though anyone underage was only permitted a 2 glasses of these drinks. Most people weren't there to drink anyway, they were there to relax and have fun.   
  
James saw Lily's eyes light up as she walked in and smiled. She never ceased to amaze him. She was the type of person who was able to adapt to any environment and never let something new bring her down. A fast song came on and she started to dance; not really dance but just shake her head a lot. (A/N if you've seen the movie then you know what I mean) James laughed and she looked at him and smiled. He jerked his head to a table and they made their way toward it.   
  
"Hey girlies," shouted James over the music, "this is Lily." One of the girls looked at Lily and raised an eyebrow. Then in a high mocking voice she said, "Oh yah, we had a slumber party and we, like, painted each other's toenails, remember?"  
  
"You guys..." started James but was interrupted.   
  
"Yeah then we played truth or dare and you admitted to liking Lucius Malfoy before he got rich," said Lily in the same mocking voice.   
  
"I never.." she started.   
  
"Yes you did," said the other girl at the table and she smiled at Lily. James looked at Lily appraisingly and was about to ask her to dance when Sirius showed up.   
  
"Hey James we missed ya today."  
  
"Yeah I kinda got sidetracked," he said looking at Lily.   
  
"Well too bad. You missed 2 great shows of our best friends here making complete idiots of themselves on account of 2 girls," laughed Peter who was rewarded with 2 whacks on the head.   
  
"What happened?" asked James.   
  
"Nothing," said Remus and Sirius in unison.   
  
"Peter you have to tell me what happened later."  
  
"Only if you promise to protect me from these two," he replied rubbing his throbbing head. Then he went onto the dance floor and started a crazy dance that no one wanted to get into.   
  
"Hey Lily wanna dance?" asked Sirius. She looked at James who nodded and she went out and started doing the same dance that Peter was doing. Soon the 3 of them were doing some weird creepy looking dance (A/N I'll let you imagine what kind of dance you want since the one I'm thinking of is to crazy to describe!). James looked at them and couldn't help but look at how happy and amazing Lily looked. She was radiant and her laugh was mesmerizing. He suddenly shook his head, disgusted that he thought such schmaltzy thoughts. He stared at her for a while longer before deciding to join them and their crazy dance.   
  
After 2 songs Lily got thirsty and James offered to get her a drink while Sirius and Peter made "ooo" noises. James was standing behind some girl who was getting a drink and thought that her weird hair colors looked very familiar. She turned around and James was standing face to face with Daphne.  
  
"Hey Daphne," he said politely.   
  
"Hi James," she said looking him up and down still not happy with the fact that he changed his wardrobe.   
  
"Hey there you are Daph," said a voice from behind James. He saw that it was Andrew Anderson. He went up to Daphne and gently kissed her cheek... then her jawbone... then her neck. Daphne was looking at James and James was looking anywhere else but in front of him. He was so uncomfortable that he wasn't able to move.   
From across the dance floor Lily was looking for James wondering what was taking him so long with her drink and she saw him standing stiffly while Daphne and some other guy were making out in front of him. 'Time to even the playing field,' she thought. She went up to them and tapped James on the shoulder.   
  
"Hey there you are James," she said softly. She then pulled his face to hers and kissed him. At first James was to surprised to do anything. All ir took was one look at Daphne's face and he immediately knew that the plan was going to work. What he didn't anticipate was the fact that he liked kissing Lily. He closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling he was getting in his stomach. Lily's kiss was soft and gentle yet demanding at the same time. James just yielded to her tongue's command and thoroughly enjoyed himself. When they finally came up for air the first thing James saw was an extremely irritated Daphne and a nonplused Andrew.   
  
"Get a room," Daphne huffed and she pulled Andrew away. James looked down at Lily and smiled at her flushed face. He removed a strand of hair from her face and said softly, "I guess now it's my turn to bow down to the Queen of Scam." 


	6. Out with the Old, In with the New

A/N I want to thank everyone who reviewed. I want you all to know that I totally take your suggestions to heart. Like on reviewer said/begged not to make Zoe evil, so she won't be...too much. And someone else suggested to have Peter slowly progress into a spineless jerk. So I will, slowly. So if anyone has suggestions know that I take it seriously.   
  
I would like to send a special thanks to reviewer faith who reviewed like a billion times (not really but it seemed like it).  
  
I was also thinking about making this a chapter about the parents, but decided to make that the next chapter. So chapter 7 or 8 will be Meet the Parents...maybe. And now on with the chapter 6, not much happens here granted, but thickens the plot a bit.   
  
  
  
Chapter 6: Out with the Old, In with the New   
  
Lily was sitting in Arithmancy, trying to figure out a particularly hard problem when she heard someone hiss her name. She looked up and stared blankly at the girl who called her.   
  
"What do you want, Hannah?" she asked coldly. Hannah seemed to ignore this and went ahead whispering so the Professor wouldn't hear her.   
  
"I saw you and James at the Quidditch game yesterday."  
  
"So?" asked an annoyed Lily. The math problem was getting on her last nerve and the number charts just seemed to get more complicated.   
  
"AND I saw you guys at the Tower and I heard Carl say that he saw you two at the Underground," she said the last thing as if it was something incredible, like the landing of a man on the moon. Lily put her quill down and stared hard at Hannah. Hannah seemed to realize what Lily wanted so she asked, "Well, I just wanted to know...are you and James an item?" Lily just gave her a mischievous smile and went back to work, but not before hearing a squeal from her right and a breathless, "I knew it!"  
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
James was climbing down the stairs ready to go down to lunch and hang out with his friends for awhile. He hadn't been with them for what seemed like an eternity and he missed talking and joking and pulling pranks with them. His new 'friends' just weren't the same. He saw them a little ways down and hurried down to meet them.   
  
"My brothers!" he shouted throwing his arms around Sirius and Remus.   
  
"Hey look! It's Ken doll," said Peter. The three of them looked at Peter and he explained that it was a muggle doll that was always at the height of fashion and always had an expression that said, "I'm ten times better than you are." (A/N Just look at him, I swear that that's what's in his eyes)   
  
"Aren't you losing reputation points for being this close to us?" asked Sirius.   
  
"Guys! I'm puling off the biggest scam of all time and I'm catching shit?" asked James. "Don't you see, I've entered into their world."  
  
"Oooh did you leave breadcrumbs?" asked Peter sarcastically.   
  
"Hey, don't forget, we have to pull that prank on Filch on Saturday," Remus reminded James.   
  
"Yeah, I'll be there...no wait Lily wanted me to make an appearance..."  
  
"Ahh scam alright, but whose scamming who?" asked Sirius.  
  
"Whom," corrected James.   
  
"Oooo whom," mimicked Peter as Remus said, "Think about it James you have the duties of a girlfriend, but none of the perks."  
  
"Your not getting any perks are you?" asked Sirius suddenly.   
  
"Hey J-man, you coming this Saturday or what?" asked Bryan coming down the hallway with his arms around Arabella.   
  
"Yeah, I'll be there," said James.   
  
"'J-man'?" asked Sirius as Bryan left, "you really have entered their world." And with that they left James and headed to the Great Hall.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
At the end of lunch that Saturday Lily hurried down the hallway, looking for James. She hadn't seen him at lunch and she was worried that he didn't remember that he was supposed to meet with some of the popular guys. She spotted his friends doing something very suspicious near a broom closet, but no James in sight. On closer inspection Lily saw that they were cursing all of Filch's cleaning supplies to make a mess instead of cleaning it up.   
  
"This is going to drive him insane," whispered Sirius.   
  
"Shouldn't we at least leave some mops and brooms alone for him?" asked Peter.  
  
"Of course, we are Peter," said Remus throwing his arm around his shoulders.   
  
"Yeah, we left the broom closet near the Bloody Baron's lair alone," said Sirius dusting off his robes.   
  
"We decided to be nice for a change," said Remus with a smirk.   
  
"And because you guys are too afraid to go anywhere near that place," said Lily causing all three guys to jump up in the air.   
  
"Peter!" Sirius shouted, "you were supposed to stand guard."  
  
"Stand guard! You told me to keep the brooms in the back from falling on you! You were supposed to be the look out!"  
  
"No I wasn't, I was supposed hex the broom to make them streak green and blue across the floor," shouted an indignant Sirius. "Remus was supposed to hold the brooms."  
  
"I was supposed to hex all the cleaning solutions to smear the dirt even more, not hold the brooms," glared Remus. Then all three of them heaved a heavy sigh. It wasn't the same without James. He was the brains of the operation. Remus turned to Lily.  
  
"Can we help you?" Lily was surprised by his cold manner and she noticed Peter and Sirius giving her a weird look.   
  
"I was just looking for James," she said, looking at the ground, suddenly feeling small.  
  
"James isn't here, as you can see," said Sirius stiffly.   
  
"Do you know where he is?"  
"Why don't you go check outside by the Quidditch pitch," said Peter finally and all three of them turned around and left her. Suddenly they lost interest in their prank and Lily felt alone. 'Why should I care?' she thought. 'They were James' friends, not mine.' And with that she headed towards the Main Entrance.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
James was sitting on the stands of the Qudditch pitch just listening to the guys of the Gryfindor Quidditch team and Founders' Day Ball committee and other school organizations that were filled to the brim with popular people. He didn't even know why he was here. He was supposed to meet up with Remus, Sirius, and Peter about some prank they had cooked up but on his way Bryan and Arthur had dragged him to the stands and he remembered his promise to Lily. So here he was silently observing everyone. For example, he kept noticing a guy named Richard kept sneaking glances the Gryfindor seeker. 'He's gay,' he thought wearily. He also noticed how Arthur was joking with everyone, but once they started to make fun of someone, his laughter didn't reach his eyes. 'He's pretty cool.' But what totally ticked him off was Bryan. He was a cool guy and all, but he had this possessive nature that was a bit scary. He also thought of himself as God's Gift to Women. He was telling everyone how to get to a girl.   
  
"The way to a girl's heart is by sweet talk," he started, "'Your so beautiful', 'Have you lost weight?' and then the three words that always seal the deal..."  
  
"Another Tequila shot?" interrupted James dryly. Everyone but Bryan roared with laughter. Just then they heard a bunch of voices. They looked down and saw the girls of the Quidditch team and the Founder's Day Ball committee and other school organizations that were filled to the brim with popular people. (A/N Did I just repeat myself?) They all waved at the guys and Lily smiled at James. James nodded back, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling in his stomach upon seeing Lily.   
  
The girls all sat down and started talking about...boys.   
  
"What do you think their talking about, Bryan?" asked Cleff, Head of the Decorations Committee.   
  
"They're talking about us," he said sagely.   
  
"What are they saying?" asked Arthur, just to humor him.   
  
"Oh you know, 'He's cute, he's sweet, he's built.'"  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
"He's clingy," said Arabella.   
  
"Clingy?" asked Diane co-Head of the Decorations committee.   
  
"Yeah, wherever I am, he has to be there. If I'm doing my homework, he's breathing down my neck. Sometimes I swear he's sitting next me, watching me sleep."  
  
"Aww, that's so romantic," sighed Molly.  
  
"Romantic?! Molly that's creepy!" exclaimed Lily.   
  
"Tell me about it," she sighed. "By the way Zoe, when is that picture gonna hit circulation?" asked Bella wanting the conversation to be off of her. But Zoe was away in space somewhere, staring down towards the Whomping Willow. She could have sworn she saw...  
  
"Hello! Earth the Zoe!" Lily waved her hand energetically in front of her face, promptly interrupting her musings.   
  
"Huh? What?" she asked blinking quickly.   
  
"Those pictures...of Remus...when are you gonna go public with them?" asked Molly.   
  
"Oh! I'm not sure if I'm going to," she said quickly.   
  
"Why?!" all the girls shouted, making the guys stare down at them.   
  
"Because, although I hate to admit it, he and his grungy friends have enough power to ruin someone's reputation."  
  
"No, I think I know the reason," said Lily with a knowing smile. All the girls looked at Lily and they suddenly knew what she meant.   
  
"What? You don't think? Ugh! No way! Uh-uh..that's not the reason! I don't like Remus, you guys no how much I hate him," Zoe sputtered, angry that her friends would think that.   
  
"Then why won't you pass out the pictures?" asked Bella.   
  
"Fine! I will!" cried Zoe standing up, "I have work to do if I'm going to have enough pictures for the whole school by 6. Plus, I have to make it so the picture doesn't move at all, like a muggle picture," and with that she left with a huff. The girls started to giggle, and when that died down, Molly turned to Lily.   
  
"Come on Lily, we're bonding here so tell us.."  
  
"Tell you what?"  
  
"James Potter...big hands...big feet... and you two have been spending a hell of a lot of time together...come on," pushed Bella. Lily stared at them and just laughed letting them form their own ideas about her and James, while wondering herself what was going on.   
  
  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
After dinner, Lily sat down by the lake trying to think of some sorts of entertainment for the Ball. Everyone wanted and expected pop sensation Pandora, or a replica of her, but something was bugging her. Before she would have done everything in her power to please everyone in the school, but now...she wasn't sure or wasn't sure she cared. And there was a song stuck in her head and she couldn't figure it out and it was annoying her to no end, but she hummed it anyway.   
  
"I see you got the Weird Sisters stuck in your head," said a voice behind her. She looked up quickly and saw Remus.   
  
"Is that who it was?" she asked as Remus sat down next to her. She was surprised he was actually willing to talk to her.   
  
"Yup, one of their best songs," he said. "Look, Lily I'm sorry about the way I've— we've —benn treating you lately. It's just hard not seeing one of your best friends as much as you would usually do. And seeing him with people you've learned to hate...its the worst."   
  
"It's okay," she smiled, for some reason happy to have them on her side again.   
  
"Okay! With that out of the way.."he started to search his pocket for something and pulled out a picture.   
  
"If that's the picture of you making kissy faces, then I've seen it," said Lily with a smile.   
  
"No, I've seen enough of that picture to last me a life time, thank you very much," he said as he handed Lily a picture. It was a picture of a group of witches with an assortment of instruments around them. Their hair was everywhere and their black robes ripped in specific places. For some reason these witches looked...cool, yet familiar. Before Lily would have thrown the picture as if it was something contaminated, but now she was oddly intrigued.   
  
"Who are they?" she asked.   
  
"The Weird Sisters," he said and when she looked at him puzzled he quickly added, "Well, you're head of the Entertainment Committee, aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah, along with other things," she said with a bitter smile.   
  
"Well, I want you to check them out," he said.   
  
"Is this why you apologized?" she asked suddenly suspicious. One look at his face had said enough and she suddenly felt stupid and ashamed for accusing him of something so stupid.   
  
"I've already heard them," she said quickly to cover up the awkward silence.  
  
"And...." he pushed, forgetting about Lily's previous question.   
  
"They're great and all, but they're not up on their Pandora."  
  
"Pandora?" asked Remus, "There's a sister with edge," he said sarcastically.   
  
"Well, that's the direction the committee is heading: Quality with mass appeal."  
  
"Can you say oxymoron?"   
  
They both looked down at the picture and Remus suddenly asked, "Is Zoe allergic to anything else besides garlic?"  
  
*~~*~~*  
  
Zoe was walking down the hallway enjoying the quiet halls that came along with a Saturday afternoon. Just as she was turning a corner she saw Hannah emerge from an empty classroom with Barty right behind her. 'Lily's plan is taking too long,' she thought. 'Time for some much needed help,' she smiled wickedly.   
  
"Hey Hannah!" she shouted. Hannah spun around and saw Zoe.   
  
"Hi Zoe!" she said happily. Zoe thought she was just a tad to perky, but giving what she had probably been doing 5 minutes ago...  
  
"I wanted a word with you...alone," she added pointedly to Barty.   
  
"I'll see ya later Han," he said and kissed her on the cheek and left. When he was out of earshot Zoe said, "How well do you know Barty?"  
  
"Real well, he's so nice and sweet and caring,"she said dreamily.   
  
"Yeah and with a father like his...they look totally normal...you'd never believe how its really like," said Zoe dramatically.   
  
"What do you mean?" asked Hannah frightened.   
  
"You'd never guess that Barty Crouch Jr., was part of those Dark Wizard gangs going around lately."  
  
"D-d-dark Wizard gang?" she asked in a small, stuttering voice.   
  
"Yup! I heard he was one of the Death Eaters," said Zoe in such a firm voice that you had to believe her. "Well, I gotta go. Say 'Hi!' to Barty for me," and with that Zoe left leaving a stunned and scared looking Hannah behind.   
  
*~~*~~*  
  
James was running down the hallway looking for something. The only problem was he had no idea what he was looking for. It was a new charm that Remus had found and he decided to try it out on James, before they tried it on Filch's cat, and as a payback for James for the messed up prank. It caused a person to be extremely confused about where they were going, but they seemed to remember everything else. He was running when he suddenly came face to face with Arabella Figg.   
  
"Hey Newt," he said politely.   
  
"It's Bella," she said huffily, "It was never Newt."   
  
"Oh sorry, but I thought.."  
  
"When your extremely short and skinny for your age and you have a last name that's the same as snack food, it doesn't take people long to think up of a nickname," she said looking James straight in the eye. She never had anything against James, he was always polite to people and never cared about how they looked or dressed.   
  
"Newt, newt," said James thoughtfully, "Like Fig Newton?"  
  
"You got it," she said bitterly.   
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"Well I went home one summer, gained some weight, my body was finally filling in, got contacts and just started giggling at whatever anyone said. Soon people were asking who I was and I just told them that I was Bella," she smiled though it seemed to be forced.   
  
"Bella..isn't that 'beautiful' in Italian?" asked James.   
  
"Yup!" said Bella happily.   
  
"And no one ever said anything?" Bella shook her head. "You should go into politics," laughed James. "Why are you telling me all this?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"Because we're kindred spirits," she said eyeing James' hair and clothes, "Are you happy now? Now that you're one of the popular crowd?" James looked down at his hands. Being popular had its ups, but he liked the old days with his friends. True they still did pranks but he saw less and less of them everyday. It was like he was drifting apart from his old friends and coming closer to his new ones. Was he truly happy?  
  
  
A/N There you go. Another chapter. Now I rarely ask for reviews, but I completely didn't like this chapter. Something about it was off. I had to write and rewrite and copy and paste and delete and all kinds of things. So just review with a quick 'it sux' or 'it was great'. Thanks a billion! 


	7. More Realizations and More Break-ups

A/N Thanks to everyone who reviewed in the last chapter. I hope this chapter is better. I wanna give a special thanks to GoogleDuckie, who is now my beta-reader. Without her this chapter wouldn't have made much sense. Thank you, girl. In honor of her throughout this chapter you will see her notes. Thanks a million. I would also like to thank reviewer Storytelling Star. I agree with what you said and I'm glad that it wasn't just me. With all that out of the way I bring you Chapter 7. Next Chapter will be Meet the Parents I decided.   
  
  
  
Chapter 7: More Realizations and More Break-ups   
  
Professor Kane, the Potions teacher, stood in front of the class holding a clear bottle with some kind of amber liquid in it.   
  
"This was brought to my attention by Mr. Filch last week, the night after this class was over."   
  
"Professor, how do you know it was our class that did anything?" asked Sirius.   
  
"Because this was the only potions class I had that day, Mr. Black," Professor Kane snapped. "And if I remember correctly, which I do, this class was making a Hallucination Solution, and some of you were having too much fun with it." He glared at the back of the classroom where a few boys were sniggering. "Turns out some house-elves found this in someone's dorm and suddenly thought they were dancing with fluffy pink bunnies. So now -" but he was interrupted again.   
  
"See, people," cried Daphne, standing up, "this is what I'm talking about. The house-elves are so uneducated, so close-minded, they don't know when they are being drugged. I bet this was done on purpose. Just like in St. Mungo's. They go and participate to be tested on and most of the time they die. We have to do something, we can't just sit around and let this happen. They have the right to..."   
  
"MISS EDWARDS SIT DOWN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU CRUSADING FOR THOSE DAMN HOUSE-ELVES." He took a few deep breathes, then, in a more calm voice he said, "Please keep your comments until after class, when you will be someone else's problem. Now as I was saying before I was interrupted, all of you will be paired up in alphabetical order for today." Everyone groaned, but not as loudly as Lily. She looked over at Daphne who looked livid. Not only for having her speech cut short, but for having to be Miss Perfect's' potions partner.   
  
Everyone got up and moved next to their partners. Lily and Daphne were working quietly for a few minutes adding ingredients to their potions. As they waited for the potion to simmer, Daphne looked over at Lily, then James, who was working with Peter.   
  
"So, did you teach James how to jump through hoops? Maybe balance a ball on his nose?" she asked.   
  
"I'm still working on matching socks," said Lily as she looked through her potions book. Seeing as how Lily wasn't going to say anymore, Daphne started again.   
  
"You know, you two make a very cute couple," she said, while adding in some mandrake leaves. "But I guess you hear that all the time."   
  
"Why do you care?" asked Lily looking up from stirring the potion.   
  
"I don't," she said quickly, "you're welcome to him. I used to think he had some...I dunno..some social consciousness."   
  
"Is this about the house-elf enslavement thing?" Lily asked.   
  
"I can feel your concern," Daphne said sarcastically.   
  
"Do you know anything about James' mother?" Lily asked, completely throwing off Daphne.   
  
"Just that she died when he was young. Like 12 or something."   
  
"13," corrected Lily. "Do you know how?"   
  
"No,"said Daphne, obviously annoyed.   
  
"Cancer," she said shortly. She threw poured in some armadillo bile.   
  
"But they already have a cure for that."   
  
"They didn't when she was diagnosed. Do you know how they found the cure?"   
  
"Months and months of research."   
  
"No, house-elves. Some were used for testing while others helped the doctors by tending to them or even help them looking through all the books for anything they could use. House-elves may be close minded, but they are clever creatures when it comes to helping their masters. So next time you start shouting about how house-elves are enslaved, keep in mind how they always help out for the greater good." And with that Lily went back to the potion, leaving Daphne stunned.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
"So do you guys wanna check out my new game tonight?" asked Peter after dinner. He was walking with Sirius and Remus towards the Whomping Willow. Peter hid all his stuff that his parents sent him from the Muggle World in the Shrieking Shack.   
  
"What new game?" asked Sirius, intrigued. He liked most things Muggles, but especially loved their games. The game with the land filled with candy was his favorite. It always made his mouth water. (A/N I don't know if Candyland was around back then). (Beta's Note: i think candyland's been around forever! haha)   
  
"It's this game called Ping..no wait..Pong, yeah..its Pong," said Peter.   
  
"Ping pong ping pong ping pong," sang Remus. "That's pretty catchy."   
  
"Anyway, you play it on the t.v. It has these two bars on the each side and a ball going back and forth. You have to move the bars to hit the ball back before it goes off to the black space," explained Peter.   
  
"That sounds cool," said Sirius.   
  
"Hey! Let's have a two-on-two tournament," said Remus. "Me and Sirius against you and James."   
  
"That sounds.." started Peter, but they were interrupted by some guys shouting and laughing. They turned around and saw James in the middle of a huge pile that was legs, arms, and hair. When they separated, they all slapped each other's back.   
  
"I think James has to make an appearance at Barty Crouch's party tonight," said Sirius.   
  
"Ah yes, of course," chorused Peter and Remus.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
James and Lily stood in front of the Tower's door where Barty's party was being held.   
  
"So, this is the last pre-Ball event for us," said Lily happily.   
  
"Hey, did you say anything to Daphne today in Potions?" he asked suddenly.   
  
"Why?" asked Lily, worried that he might get mad that she told Daphne about his mom.   
  
"I dunno, she's been acting freaky lately. Nice even,"James said with a shudder.   
  
"Well, then mission nearly accomplished," she said, relieved.   
  
"I guess," said James, not feeling as happy as he should have been upon receiving the news. They walked into the door, hand in hand. James felt that this was way better than being with Daphne. [Beta Note: oooh! james likes lily! james liiiiiiikes lily! (sorry, couldn't resist!)]   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
Zoe was at the party a half-hour before Lily and James showed up. She had gotten so drunk, that soon her vampire side was coming out. She suddenly felt like causing misery to someone. Just then, James walked in hand in hand with Lily. 'Bingo,' she thought nastily.   
  
*~~~*~~*   
  
After a while, Lily and James split up and started to just mingle. Lily did most of the mingling. James on the other hand was drinking. As he went to throw away yet another empty cup, he saw Lily. She gave him a smile and he couldn't help but smile back.   
  
"Hey Lily," said Barty, walking up behind her.   
  
"Hey Barty! I was just waiting for the bathroom," said Lily, turning around to face him.   
  
"Yeah, that's cool," he said. James' smile faded as he watched them.   
  
"So, where's Heather?" asked Lily, trying to hide the bitterness in her voice.   
  
"Hannah," Barty corrected.   
  
"Right, Hannah. I haven't seen her tonight," said Lily looking around. She suddenly spotted Zoe lurking behind James. 'What is she up to?' she thought.   
  
"It's over," said Barty, miserably.   
  
"Really?" asked Lily, trying to hide the happiness in her voice. "Why?"   
  
"She accused me of being a Death Eater, then left holding up a cross," said Barty shaking his head. "Me? A Death Eater? I mean, come on, everyone knows how my father is with anything illegal. Does she really think I'd do that?"   
  
"I guess so, if that's what she said,"confirmed Lily.   
  
"Death Eater..hmph..I'll show her Death Eater," he muttered. He suddenly got an evil glint in his eye and Lily took a step back, slightly frightened. But it was gone as soon as it came.[Beta Note: ooooh.... barty's turnin' eeeeeeeeeevil!! dun dun duuuuun!]   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
"So, it's like a fairy tale, right?" asked a voice right in James ear, making him jump a few feet. He looked around and saw Zoe standing there giving him a very strange look.   
  
"Huh?" asked James distracted as Zoe leaned forward giving James a view of her chest.   
  
"I mean you and Lily. Falling in love with the girl next door..." she trailed off, enjoying the blush creeping up James neck.   
  
"How did you know we lived next door?" he asked. [Beta Note: (ooooooh! interesting! i've always wanted to fall for a guy next door... unfortunately, the only guys that live near by are my younger brothers friends, these 6 year old twins i babysit and well, that's all. :( poor me. but anyways... back to the story)]  
  
"Lily and I have been friends for years. We tell each other everything. Too bad, though," she said as an afterthought.   
  
"What's too bad?" asked James, popping some chips into his mouth.   
  
"That you're taken, of course. Who would have known that underneath all that rebellion was a heartbreaker waiting to get out?" She leaned in closer to James. James looked up and saw Lily and Barty moving out of his line of vision. James walked over to where he could see Lily more.   
"Look at her in there," said Zoe, walking up behind him. "Suddenly Barty's on the market again and she's back to plan A. Old crushes die hard." James looked at her, letting her words sink in. "Are you sure Lily is the one? Just think, if Barty hadn't smashed into Hannah, Lily would have gotten exactly what she wanted." The statement hit James hard. It was true, every word of it. He looked at Zoe, who was getting closer by the second. "Maybe then I would have gotten what I wanted," she said softly, pressing her body up against him. Before he knew what he was doing he crushed her lips with his.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
"Do you remember when you were yelling at me in the carriage?" asked Barty.   
  
"Vaguely," said Lily, trying to sound off-handed.   
  
"All the things you said about love being for saps...you were right," he said, laughing. Lily looked up and what she saw made her heart stop beating. James and Zoe were in another room locked in a passionate kiss.   
  
Zoe opened her eyes and saw Lily staring at them. She smiled evilly and pushed James off of her. "Not in this life time, Romeo!!" she shouted indignantly, "Lily is my best friend!"[Beta Note (BITCH!!!!!!)]   
  
"Huh?" said James, completely confused. Zoe pulled him and made him turn his head. He saw Lily's face and knew she saw them. Lily gave him on last look and hurried away. James ran after her, leaving Zoe with her next pursuit, Barty. [Another Beta Note hehe: (still a bitch!!! grrr. some people! *slaps zoe!*)]   
  
*~~*~~~*   
  
Lily heard James coming after her, so she ducked into the first door she saw, which luckily was the bathroom. She locked the door and sat on the toilet.   
  
"Lily," James yelled while banging on the door, "Lily, come on, open up." When she didn't answer him after a few minutes, he made his way back to the refreshment stand and started drinking every type of alcohol he could get his hands on. [Beta Note: (bad james... drowning his troubles in alcohol. it never works little boy... never works..)]   
  
Lily stayed where she was. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't. Barty was available again and Daphne was acting nice towards James. They could now go their separate ways. This is what they wanted from the beginning. So why did Lily feel like someone ripped out her heart and stepped on it? It was probably just the surprise of him ending it that quickly. Yeah, that, and the fact that he was with her best friend. What kind of best friend does that? Lily was suddenly furious. Zoe was no friend. She was a bitch. This is what she gets for befriending someone who was part evil creature. Lily got up and walked out of the bathroom, looking for her now ex-best friend.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
James had gotten so drunk he could barely see where he was going. Hell, he couldn't even walk. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of parchment. He got up to look for a quill and by some miracle he found one. He wrote 'Need ride, Pete' with a very shaky hand. The only problem now was finding an owl. This was going to be a long night.   
  
Meanwhile, Lily had caught up to Zoe who was standing near the snack table.   
  
"How could you do that?" she asked furiously.   
  
"I was testing him, and frankly I think I was doing you a favor," said Zoe with a smile.   
  
"You weren't doing me a favor! You're miserable and you know what they say about misery loving company. You just couldn't stand to see me happy!" shouted Lily.   
  
"Chill, drama queen," laughed Zoe, "remember it's not life and death." She walked away, leaving Lily aching to knock something over, which she did (a stack of plastic cups) though it didn't help her mood much. Arabella came up to her and asked, "Are you okay?" Lily looked at the girls who were staring at her and just shrugged.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
"No, no, no! Come on, get back up! Yes yes yes!!" shouted Peter, jumping up and down throwing down his controller. He won again for the hundredth time that night. The guys thought traditional Pong was boring so Sirius charmed it into a fast paced game filled with monsters and dragons that tried to eat the ball. The bars on the side were also moving pretty fast. Peter caught on quickly and was putting Remus and Sirius to shame.   
  
"One more game, Wormtail. I know I can beat you," said Sirius. You're on, Padfoot." Peter picked up the controller and was about to press 'Start' when an owl flew in. "Sorry guys, I have to go." Sirius picked up the note and looked at it. Then he turned the parchment to the side, then upside down. He couldn't make heads or tails or the writing.  
  
"Pete, how do you know what this says?" he asked.   
  
"Well, no one sends me an owl for any other reason," he said trying to sound as if he didn't care. He fastened his cloak and was about to walk out. Remus and Sirius, for some reason, felt guilty.   
  
"We'll go with you," said Sirius at once, grabbing his own cloak.   
  
"Yeah, definitely," said Remus, "Besides, I have a feeling that I'm gonna get some great pictures." He picked up his cloak and camera and all three of them made their way out of the Shrieking Shack, Peter feeling better knowing his friends were behind him.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
James stood outside the Tower's door and waited for Peter to come. He felt a lurch in his stomach and within seconds he was on the floor throwing up all the contents of his stomach. He heard a sudden screech and he looked up to see a carriage inches from his face. Remus bounded out of the carriage and started snapping pictures of James on the floor, with his vomit everywhere.   
  
"Mr. Potter, please tell us how you feel?" asked Remus while snapping more pictures. He charmed the camera to never run out of film. Sirius also helped him charm it so the pictures stayed inside until Remus wanted them out.   
  
"You're the one who called?" asked Peter, sounding amazed. James nodded and stood up on shaky legs. Peter helped him into the carriage. He looked at Remus and Sirius, expectantly.   
  
"I'm gonna stay for a while," said Remus running inside and flashing pictures everywhere.   
  
"I'm gonna stay with him and make sure no one tries to kill him when he flashes them in the eye," laughed Sirius. Seconds later they heard a scream and a loud SMACK. "Too late," Sirius sighed.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
They rode the carriage for a while in silence. Peter looked back at James and asked, "So how was the party?"   
  
"Great," James muttered.   
  
"Who was there?" Peter asked.   
  
"Everyone," sighed James. Peter was furious.   
  
"Everyone? Everyone?!' He brought the carriage to a sudden halt and James was thrown forward. "Damn it, Peter! What the hell was that?"   
  
"Look sorry about that," said Peter trying to sound calm, "but everyone wasn't there. I wasn't there. Neither were Remus and Sirius. We used to be your friends, if you can remember that far back."   
  
"You know what I remember, Peter. I remember you doing Bryan Nicolsan's homework, just because he said that he would be your friend."   
  
"I was doing him a favor," interrupted Peter. "He was busy training for the Quidditch Cup."   
  
"I remember you asking Diane Little to go to Hogsmeade with you then letting her spend the day with her friends," continued James.   
  
"Does this story have a point?" Peter asked.   
  
"Yeah, my point is that you're not mad at me. You're just jealous."   
  
"What's wrong with wanting to be liked?" asked Peter, sadly.   
  
"You want them to like you, Wormtail? Tell them to go fuck themselves! People like them need people like you so they could feel better about themselves. So they can feel important and high and mighty." Peter shook his head. An owl landed on his shoulder with a note on it.   
  
"Don't go, Peter," said James. "There are sober people there. They just don't want to leave the party."   
  
"I can't not go," said Peter dejectedly. James looked at him then got out of the carriage.   
  
"This is close enough," said James. "I wanted to walk anyway." Peter watched him as he left. James took off the leather jacket that Lily had gotten him and threw it on the ground. It was time to get his identity and life back.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
Peter was once again in front of the Tower waiting for whoever it was that sent for him to come out. Remus came running up to him and grabbed his arm.   
  
"Come on Peter. I need your help," he panted.   
  
"With what?" asked Peter, startled at Remus' state of clothes. He looked as if someone ruffed him up then kissed him everywhere. (B/N: ooooh! go remus! go remus! go go go remus! haha.) "Zoe and some guy are in a room together and I can't get in. I need you to ˜Wormtail' your way in there and take some pictures." Under normal circumstances Peter would have loved to do it, but he had a job to do and that's what he told Remus.   
  
"Sirius will take over. Come on, please," he begged.   
  
"Okay," said Peter. Sirius came up to them and sat in the carriage. It seemed as if they planned it all already.   
  
Peter was being dragged inside and they passed by Arabella and a very drunk Bryan. Remus quickly snapped some photos. Arabella and Bryan made it to the carriage and sat inside. Sirius quickly took control and the carriage started to trudge back towards the castle.   
  
"Sorry about this, Sirius," Arabella said, as she tried to fight off Bryan who was planting kisses all over her and trying to lay her down. "We came on Bryan's broomstick, but the thing is rackety we would have smashed into the castle if he tried to fly it."   
  
'Uh oh' thought Sirius. If there was one thing Bryan was famous for, it was how fast his temper flared whenever someone said something bad about his broom or his flying. Bryan stopped what he was doing and looked at her.   
  
"Oh yeah! Well kiss my ass, you once nerdy bitch," he shouted. Sirius felt a ringing in his ears but it wasn't from Bryan's shouting. "I remember when you were nothing. An egg head that would hang around the Pitch drooling over Quidditch players, hoping they would notice you. Now that you're so popular you think your shit don't smell."   
  
"Quiet, Bryan," she whispered, looking at Sirius. He was silently shaking. He hated when a girl was being yelled at, but Bryan looked on verge of physical abuse.   
  
"SHUT UP! You think you're 'Miss Thing'! You're nothing but a wannabe!" he yelled. Sirius stopped the carriage, got out and pulled out Bryan, dropping him to the floor.   
  
"You okay, Bella?" he asked. She didn't get a chance to answer because Bryan got up and slammed Sirius up against the carriage, watching him slide down.   
  
"Bryan, STOP!" Arabella shouted.   
  
"What do you think you're doing, Sirius?" He spat his name, while Arabella was shouting for him to stop. He kicked Sirius on the side. "Get yourself up and drive me home!" he shouted. "As for you," he rounded on Arabella, but she pulled out her wand.   
  
"STUPEFY!" she shouted. Sirius quickly got up as Bryan fell back, almost landing on top of him.   
  
"Do you wanna get out of here?" he asked her.   
  
"Can you take me back to the party? I need to talk to Diana," she said, tears streaming down her face. Sirius conjured a tissue box and gave it to her. "Thanks," she mumbled. Sirius spun the carriage around and took her back to the party. 


	8. Meet the Parents

A/N Okay, first I want to thank everyone who reviewed in the last chapter. You guys ROCK! Second, I'm writing this chapter before I see the movie again, since I got complaints about the last chapter being to true to the movie. I admit that some parts were pretty much word for word, but I didn't think it was that bad. So I'm going to write this chapter the way I wrote Chapter 1, by having no idea if this happened in the movie or not! I hope you guys enjoy this, and I'm pretty sure that there is one more chapter left to this story..we'll see.   
  
Thirdly (that was a long 'secondly') I'm thinking of doing another parody, but this time to Big Daddy. I love that movie!! Anyway, I'm not sure if I want to do it a Lily/James or Ron/Hermione. What do you guys think? Just review your suggestions or e-mail it to me, but make the subject something related to fanfics so I don't delete it.   
  
Fourthly, for those of you who saw the movie, this chapter will pretty much be jumping around the place, but I'll make it work.   
  
Fifthly...ENJOY!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 8: Meet the Parents   
  
James walked into the Great Hall the next day wearing his old, grungy clothes and his normal glasses. He looked around the Gryffindor table and saw Lily staring straight ahead. He quickly went over to her.   
  
"Hey, Lily," he said. Lily gave him a small smile and went back to her staring. "Lily, look I'm sorry about what happened yesterday."   
  
"James, it's no big deal," said Lily, softly. "We both got what we wanted. Barty is about to ask me to the Ball and Daphne is...well, she's acting normal towards you, though I don't think normal is a word to be associated with her." She gave a small laugh at her own joke.   
  
"But still Lily," he started again, but was interrupted when Professor Dumbledore stood up and motioned for silence.   
  
"As I'm sure you all know, The Founder's Day Ball will be held this Saturday." Several people cheered while others who knew what was coming, groaned. (A/N Since I have to sense of time while writing this story let's say today is Tuesday). "This means that this afternoon we will be expecting the arrival of your parents." Now everyone groaned. "And because Professor Kane here said that he doesn't trust the fact that you all told your parents about this important event," some kids were looking at Professor Kane with new found hatred, including Peter, Sirius, James, and Remus who 'forgot' to tell their own parents. (Partly because of what happens when all of the parents get together.) "I personally made sure that all your parents were sent an invitation..."   
  
"That's perfect," hissed Sirius, a few seats down from James, "they won't be able to get here in time." Many murmurs of relief were heard throughout the Hall before Dumbledore continued.   
  
"...last week. So you don't have to worry about your parents not making it on time." He gave a huge smile and sat down, while Professor Kane gave a low, maniacal laugh.   
  
"Jerk," muttered James. He was about to tell Lily something else, when once again he was interrupted by the aforementioned jerk.   
  
"Now, that we know your parents are going to show up," he said with a wicked smile, "we are going to need you delinquents," Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat, "I mean, we are going to need you students to be on your best behavior. That means no pranks, no parties, no contraband, no Mysterious Letter!" He looked around the Hall, making sure everyone got his point. "We don't need your parents thinking that their darling little angels are in school causing their teachers HEARTBURN and doing absolutely NOTHING but making me wish voodoo was real!" (A/N does this remind anyone else of that maniac teacher from Daria?) Everyone was quiet, staring at him like he had grown an extra head.   
  
"I think he finally lost it," said Peter in a loud whisper. The Great Hall burst into laughter, but abruptly stopped when they saw Professor Kane give an evil grin that showed all of his teeth.   
  
"I think I forgot to mention that punishment will be very severe this week. And with that said, Mr. Pettigrew you have a weeks detention and you will be cleaning the Great Hall. That means cleaning all the tables without magic or the house-elves' help. I'm sure Miss Edwards will love that." And she did. Daphne looked as if Halloween had come early. Professor Kane leaned back on his chair and put his feet up on the table. Professor McGonagall, mad that he punished one of her students, promptly pushed his legs off causing him to drag a few plates of food along with them. He heard a few scattered laughs. "Oh, well. That's more for Mr. Pettigrew to clean." he said. Upon hearing this the Slytherins started to make a mess throwing food on the floor and spilling drinks. The Gryffindor's were furious, but the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were edging down in their seats. None of them had ever seen any of the teachers as enraged as they were now, especially Dumbledore. He held out his wand and an angry flash of red shot out.   
  
"Four hundred points from Slytherin, no Qudditch and no more Hogsmeade trips for the rest of the year," he said in a horribly calm voice. Some of the Slytherins were gaping at Dumbledore, while others were still happy about the fact that Peter was the one who had to clean up after them. "And you will all stay today and clean your mess, and all of the Great Hall. You have just given Mr. Pettigrew a day off, and I dare say Gryffindor the advantage to win the House-Cup." With that he sat down and gave a smile not so different from the one Professor Kane was giving.   
  
"Thank God for the thick-headed Slytherins," sighed Peter. "If it weren't for the fact that they were blinded by ambition, they might have seen what was coming." The whole of Gryffindor Table was staring at Peter. They never knew he had that much insight on anything. James then turned to Lily for a third time, but this time was interrupted by Professor Sprout standing up.   
  
"The Hogwarts Gazette will be having a special feature. Today's issue will be about the special The Founder's Day Ball, and how everyone helped to make it oh-so-special. So as a special treat, everyone will be receiving one of this special issue. So I hope you enjoy it and have a very special day." She sat down and Sirius started to make gagging sound.   
  
"How many times can she say 'special' in a sentence?" he asked.   
  
"I dunno, I usually get sick after the second one," replied Peter. Remus, however, was looking towards the ceiling waiting for something. James watched him closely and knew something was up. Whatever he wanted to tell Lily was completely forgotten. He looked up along with Remus and as if on cue, hundreds and hundreds of owls poured into the Great Hall, each holding a copy of The Hogwarts Gazette and delivering them to students and teachers. They all landed in front of each student and flew off the second the Gazette was taking from them. James looked at his copy and then at Remus. He had a peculiar expression on his face. It was that of fear, excitement, anticipation, and apprehension. It was the look every Marauder got before a prank was about to take place.   
  
James leafed through the pages of the paper, and saw that it basically looked like it always did. The popular kids were shown doing all sorts of altruistic things and nothing of all the other conniving things they did. He heard all kinds of people talking and squealing or the occasional, "Oh my GOSH! I look so fat in this picture!" Just as he was about to burn the issue with his wand, the front page changed. There was no title, but there was a picture of an owl delivering a letter signed anonymous. It was the insignia of The Mysterious Letter, though most people had no idea what it was. The periodical was opened up and shrieks could be heard from all around the Great Hall. The only one who seemed oblivious to this was Professor Sprout.   
  
Inside were pictures taken at Barty's party the night before. Students drinking and cheating on their boyfriends/girlfriends, wild dancing and inappropriate clothing. And just people making complete asses of themselves. There was even a picture of Bryan yelling at Bella when she obviously trying to help him. But what struck James as the ultimate payback, was a whole page dedicated to Zoe. There were pictures of her drinking, and kissing about 10 different boys. There was even one where she was trying to get Barty. The last picture on that page was of Zoe sitting near the toilet looking like crap having just thrown up whatever was in her stomach. James looked at Lily who was looking at Zoe with a triumphant smile on her face. Zoe, on the other hand, became pale, and so did everyone else who was featured in the paper.   
  
James couldn't help but smile, not only at his friends antics, but at Lily's reaction. She seemed like she was waiting for her so-called friends to be caught doing something stupid. He turned a page and saw a bunch of pictures of himself. One was of him throwing up near the carriage, one of him hardly able to walk, then there was a few of him at a Quidditch game. People were wondering what the Quidditch game had to do with anything, but James knew exactly what it meant. He looked at his three friends and saw Remus looking straight at him. He gave him a small smile and then looked up at the teacher's table. Professor Flitwick was showing Professor Sprout what the fuss was about involving her 'special' issue. Her face turned pale and she quickly scanned the Great Hall for the culprit. Remus put on his hat and started to furtively make his way out of the hall. Unfortunately, Professor Sprout caught sight of him.   
  
"NOT SO FAST, REMUS LUPIN!" she shouted across the hall. There was a short silence as everyone looked at him. He took a long look at everyone and ran out.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
Lily walked into the courtyard and sat down next to next to some of her 'posse'.   
  
"I just heard that Professor McGonagall gave Remus Lupin a month of cleaning out bedpans," said Richard.   
  
"They should have kicked him out, or made him go into the Forbidden Forest," complained Diane.   
  
"Have you ever talked to him? He's such a loser." piped up Rita Skeeter, editor of The Hogwarts Gazette. "I remember the first time he came to a meeting for the school paper. He had all these wild ideas, like actually giving the scores of the Quidditch games and things like who had a greater chance of winning. The weirdest was when he wanted to have the moon phases printed."  
  
"Rita, Remus will grow up and win all kinds of awards for his ideas, while you'll be writing the gossip column for the Daily Prophet," countered Lily.   
  
"Well, I guess it's easy for you to be a bitch now that Barty is back on the market," replied Rita.   
  
"It's easy to be a bitch either way," said Lily. With that, she got up and left while the others were looking at her incredulously.   
  
"On to more important things," said Richard, "how are we going to get rid of all those papers before our parents come today?"   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
James walked into the library and went to a secluded area in the back were he and his friends often hung out when they wanted to just be in each other's company and not talk at all. He stood behind a bookshelf and laughed at what he saw.   
  
Remus had his head on the table, his dark blue hat still on. Peter and Sirius were trying to comfort him, but it didn't help much that they kept laughing.   
  
"Cleaning out the bedpans isn't so bad," said Sirius.   
  
"Yeah, at least it won't be so bad after the Ball. I mean, when these people start to party those bedpans are gonna fill like you wouldn't believe," giggled Peter while Sirius roared with laughter, earning them a 'shh' from Madame Pince.   
  
"Going into the Forbidden Forest and tracking down a lost puffskin, I can handle," mumbled Remus to the table. He picked his head up and continued, "Cleaning the trophy room with no magic with ooze coming out of the walls every three second, no problem. But cleaning the damn bedpans," he banged his fists on the table, "how can it get any worst?"   
  
"Just wait until your parents find out," said James, stepping out from behind the bookshelf. Remus let out a loud groan and dropped his head on the table again.   
  
"Man, this is going to be hell," said Peter, "I can just hear my mom now." He mimicked his mom's high pitched voice, "'Peter Pettigrew, how dare you disrespect a teacher like that? I'm surprised they didn't suspend you! You just wait til you get home..' It's going to be worse than the time I got that Howler about being caught in Hogsmeade in my second year." They all laughed, while James hovered awkwardly near the shelf.   
  
"Potter, if you don't want to sit down, then leave," came the muffled sound of Remus' voice. James looked at them and smiled. He sat down. Soon they started talking and laughing about Remus' prank and James' temporary insanity.   
  
"I still can't believe you wore iron-pressed khaki pants," laughed Sirius.   
  
"That was nothing, did you see his hair?" chuckled Remus.   
  
"You looked like those mannequins at a department store," said Peter, trying to be the only one not laughing, but it wasn't working.   
  
"Don't remind me," grumbled James, though he was smiling. Things were quickly getting back to normal.   
  
"Now, on to more important things," said Sirius seriously (A/n I hate doing that). "What are we going to do when our parents come?"   
  
"Do we know where they are staying?" asked Peter.   
  
"I think it's Hogsmeade," said Remus. They all groaned. Now there was no way to escape to Zonko's or Honeydukes with their parents running around.   
  
"Well, at least it's not in the castle," said James. They all agreed that that was for the best. Too bad life wasn't always that nice.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
The Great Hall was full by the time James and his friends got there. Everyone was waiting anxiously for their parents to arrive. Some even donned awful clothing that their mothers had deemed as 'cute' just to impress them.   
  
"Is it just me, or does Kane seem happier than ever?" asked Sirius. They looked up and, sure enough, Professor Kane looked as if Christmas had come early.   
  
"Is anyone else scared?" asked Peter. They all nodded. Soon the students were all led to the grounds to meet their parents who were arriving by horseless carriage. They stepped out and immediately their parents made a beeline for there children.   
  
"Hold on everyone! This is going to be a bumpy ride!" shouted James. He laughed as he saw his friends being mauled by their mothers, but felt a pang of jealously. His dad walked up to him and gave a weak smile. James was about 2 inches taller than his father, but they were still able to maintain eye-eye contact. Mostly because James' extra 2 inches was from his hair, the hair that his father was just itching to chop off.   
  
"James," he nodded.   
  
"Dad," he nodded back. They stood there for a second, before...   
  
"JAMES!!" someone shrieked. After getting rid of the slight ringing in his ears to stop he turned and saw Mrs. Black running up to him.   
  
"Hold on, son!" Mr. Potter laughed. Mrs. Black crushed James, knocking the air out of him.   
  
"Oh, my dear boy, look at you! Skin and bones! All of you!" she said, eyeing the other boys. "I'm going to have to talk to your headmaster about your malnutrition," she rambled, still holding on to James who was losing air fast. "I mean, look at poor Remus. You'd think with his condition, they would take extra care of him.."   
  
"Mom," whined Sirius.   
  
"I remember when I first found out about that incident. Cried all night, I did. Poor little Remus," she wiped some tears from her eyes and the boys, and men, rolled their eyes. This wasn't the first time she went on like this. James, on the other hand, was turning purple from her grip on him.   
  
"Let go of the boy already!" boomed Mr. Pettigrew, a very large, but joyous man. If it wasn't for his brown hair, he would have looked like Santa Claus. Mrs. Black reluctantly let go of James, and he was silently thankful for Mr. Pettigrew. "How are you doing, James?" he roared, slapping James hard on the back and sending him flying towards the ground. He was quickly picked up by Mrs. Pettigrew who pulled out a brush and started to wipe his clothes free of imaginary dirt.   
  
"Filth everywhere! You shouldn't be rolling around on the ground. You and Peter both need to grow up," she huffed. When she finished, she put the brush away and pulled out a comb and started to brush his hair.   
  
"Oh come now, Emma," laughed Mr. Pettigrew. "You know that boy's hair won't hold still." Mrs. Pettigrew thought about this for a moment and put the comb away in her purse. She turned and saw Peter.   
  
"Oh, Peter, dear, you have dirt on your face!" She quickly pulled out a handkerchief and grabbed Peter's face. She wet the handkerchief with her tongue and started to scrub his face. He tried to pull away, but they all knew it was useless. She started to mumble about how filthy Hogwarts had gotten after she left.   
  
"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if half of the dirt is caused by these 4," said a sour Mrs. Lupin. "An owl on our way here telling us how you embarrassed the whole school, Remus? Ooo, if I wasn't already on my way I would have sent you a Howler so loud it would knock you deaf for a year." Remus gulped; his mom could be very scary at times and he wondered if she wasn't a werewolf herself. Mr. Lupin put his arms around his wife and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek and gave Remus a glare. The mothers left and started to mingle with others and compare the dresses they were wearing and what kind of shoes they brought with them. The 8 males shook their heads in disgust.   
  
"Remus, don't take what your mom said to heart," said Mr. Lupin. "Besides that prank was priceless. I'm glad to see your living up to the Marauder reputation, son. Do you have any of the newspapers left?" he asked excitedly.   
  
"Well, the house-elves took most of them already, the ones lying around, but I have a secret stash of them," replied Remus.   
  
"Sweet," said the fathers.   
  
"Well, the pranks are good, but what about Quidditch?" asked Mr. Potter. He was obsessed with Quidditch and wanted the boys to be involved in it. "When I was in school I was Head Boy, Captain of the Qudditch team, and prankster extrodinaire."   
  
"I know what's the problem Rob," said Mr. Black. He faced the teenagers. "So boys, how's life in the romance department?" All four of them blushed while the three other fathers looked away. "Come now, I know you 4 have had some action considering who your father's were!" Now it was time for the dads to blush. Only Mr. Black seemed oblivious to all the embarrassment around him. "I remember when Julia found out about Remus' condition. Crying the whole damn night, but I knew how to keep her calm," he said in a suggestive tone. They, of course, heard this before, but it didn't make it any less embarrassing to have a guy that was like your dad talk about sex like it was nothing but having afternoon tea. "I know you've had to have had some girls, a little midnight rendevous in the Astronomy Tower, sneaking into the lucky girl's dorm..."   
  
"Dad!" yelled Sirius, his face as red as a tomato.   
  
"Alright, alright don't have a cow!" With that he left with the father's who were glad that that situation was over.   
  
"Don't have a cow?" asked Remus. "What's that supposed to mean?" They all shrugged and walked back to the castle, a little ways behind there parents.   
  
"Thank God they are going to be in Hogsmeade," sighed Sirius. "I don't think I could take another one of my dad's 'So how many hearts have you broken?' speech." They all nodded in agreement before they made it to the castle doors they were greeted by....   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
Lily went to the horseless carriage and waited patiently for her mom. Her mom had to be one of the coolest/freakiest mothers out there. Her mom, Evelyn, was very into the 70's sans the drugs. She was always surrounded by burning incense and aroma therapy candles. She always believed in magic, even before Lily got her letter. When she did get it, it just proved her mother's theory. Every summer Lily would perform some type of magic around the house, just so her mom would feel at ease. Evelyn never liked the rule that said the students couldn't do magic outside of school. She said it robbed them of their 'very beings'. Lily's father never believed in magic, but he loved her mother's free spirit, which is why they were married. When he found out Lily was a witch, he went out of his way to learn everything and anything about the magical world so as to understand Lily's situation a little better. Soon, however, he became so consumed with his travels and studies that he forgot about his family and everything else, but the magical world. Lily's mother sent out the divorce papers and he sent them back signed. Lily had never truly forgiven her father for at least doing it in person. And to make matters worst, James mother died, making James become more distant by the minute, and causing Lily to loose one of her best and greatest friends.   
  
"Lily, dear," said a misty voice behind her. She turned around and gave her mother a hug.   
  
"How was your trip, mom?" she asked, trying to ignore the fact that all the carriages left and her father hadn't shown up.   
  
"Lily, he wanted to come, he truly did, but he got caught up at work," said Evelyn softly.   
  
"Yeah, sure mom," Lily replied coldly.   
  
"So how's school going dear? Any new developments with Barty?" she asked, trying to change the subject. Lily and her mom had the type of relationship equal to that of two best friends, but there were still secrets between them.   
  
"I think its getting better now," she said, somewhat truthfully.   
  
"And Zoe?" The look on Lily's face was enough to answer her question, but she wanted to know what happened. Lily couldn't tell her because then it would involve her telling everything about James and how she used him.   
  
"And how is James? Are you two still ignoring each other's existence?" she said with a smile.   
  
"Mom, do you even have to ask?" laughed Lily. She grabbed her arm and lead her towards the castle. Dumbledore had sent all muggle parents special glasses so they can see the castle and not a whole bunch of ruins. With Lily's help, her mom got pink tinted glasses instead of the normal black rimmed, Buddy Holly type glasses. They made their way to the castle doors and bumped into James and everyone else.   
  
"Evelyn?" asked Mr. Potter.   
  
"Robert? Is that you? Why I haven't seen you since summer. Where have you been?" she asked as Mr. Black ushered everyone into the castle save James and his father. He said something about Robert getting his 'mac on' which no one had any idea what he meant.   
  
"The ministry has been hectic lately with that psychopath Volde-whatever on the loose. He's been causing mayhem and doing all sorts of unmentionable things." Mr. Potter took off his glasses and wiped then on his shirt. He put them back on and smiled. "Enough about the misery, how are you doing?"   
  
"Oh the same as ever I suppose," she said airily. Mr. Potter laughed, while the two teenagers rolled their eyes. "James, darling, how are you?" asked Evelyn as she ruffled his hair.   
  
"Oh, don't do that Evey," groaned Mr. Potter. "His hair is mess as it is."   
  
"I love his messy hair. It's so wild and free," she sighed. James stifled a laugh at the expression on his father's face.   
  
"So, Lily, have you thought about the Head Girl position much?" asked Mr. Potter.   
  
"Well, right now, I'm concentrating on this year and the Ball and everything, but I'd love to be Head Girl."   
  
"Well, I'd love James to be Head Boy, or at least on the Quidditch team."   
  
"Dad, not again," James groaned.   
  
"Sorry," he mumbled. There was an awkward silence that was ended by an owl landing on Lily's shoulder. She took the letter and read it.   
  
"It's a letter from Dad," she said emotionlessly. "He wants to meet up with me at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow."   
  
"Are you going?" asked her mother.   
  
"No," said Lily simply.   
  
"Lily," she said in a warning tone.   
  
"Okay okay," said Lily. "I'll meet him, but I won't promise anything." With that she stormed inside and the others had nothing to do but follow her.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
The tables in the Great Hall were magically elongated to accommodate all the extra people that arrived. Some parents were reminiscing about their days in Hogwarts while others were looking around in awe.   
  
"Lily, when you come home I want you to put in a ceiling like that one," said Evelyn eyeing the enchanted ceiling. Lily smiled and nodded. She looked around and caught James' eye. She looked away quickly hoping no one else noticed. But someone did.   
  
"Hey Jamsie-boy," boomed Mr. Black. "Who is that hot little number you got your eyes on there? You two keep looking at each other. Are you two together or something?" he practically shouted. James didn't know whether to feel sick with embarrassment or laugh at Mr. Black's choice of words. Lily, on the other hand, buried her face in her hands. Soon murmurs were heard throughout the Hall, and it was obvious what they were talking about. It wouldn't be long now before her mother found out.   
  
"Lily, sweety," said her mother in a weird tone. Lily clenched her teeth for what was coming.   
  
"Why is that teacher up there smiling like that? If I didn't know any better I swear he's planning something." Lily looked up and saw Professor Kane with the same smile he had before the parents arrived. She shook her head, wondering what was going inside his head. Professor Dumbledore stood up and greeted the parents.   
  
"Welcome to Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy the Ball and your stay here. And I hope the students will be well behaved, as well as the parents," he glanced over at the Marauders before continuing, though he did see Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin giving each other a high five. "So have fun and enjoy the rest of the day everyone. Classes are canceled!" There was a wild cheer from all the students and some parents. Dumbledore went to sit down when Professor Kane whispered something to him. He whispered something back then sat down.   
  
After lunch everyone got up and decided to show their parents around the castle. Lily took her mother near the lake and they sat down watching the Giant Squid stretch his tentacles.   
  
"So Lily, what is this I hear about you and James Potter?" Evelyn asked out of the blue.   
  
"What do you hear?" asked Lily. She couldn't have known that much by now.   
  
"That you two are an item," said Evelyn checking Lily's face for any reaction.   
  
"We're not an item," she said simply. "We went to a few parties, that's all."   
  
"Well, that's good," said Evelyn. They lapsed into silence. The rest of the day was spent touring the grounds and the castle.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
James left his father after lunch and went up to his room. After Mr. Black's outburst, he'd been feeling a little depressed. So he and Lily weren't a couple, big deal. He never wanted to be with her in the first place. She just wasn't his type. He kept telling himself this over and over again, trying to convince himself that it was all true. He lay in bed, staring up at the canopy of his bed. His dad came in the dorm and looked at James. 'He's been looking like that all day,' thought Mr. Potter.   
  
"Son, are you stoned?" he asked.   
  
"Are you serious?" asked James, his hair in his eyes.   
  
"You've had a dazed look all day and you knocked down a whole bunch of suits of armor when you walked into them. And you haven't been out of bed since lunch and it's almost dinner."   
  
"Then shouldn't the correct question be 'Son are you ill'?"   
  
"Are you?"   
  
"No," said James flopping back down. Mr. Potter was about to say something else when the door banged open and in bounced Sirius, Remus, and Peter. He gave them a nod and walked out the door.   
  
"Bye Mr. Potter," sang Remus. He'd been in a happy mood ever since Zoe's parents found a copy of the Letter and told her off.   
  
"Dinner in 10 minutes boys. Don't want your mom to worry again, eh Sirius?"   
  
"Yes sir, Mr. Potter sir!" saluted Sirius.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
Dinner passed by uneventfully, except when something on the table would explode and Mr. Lupin would get smacked on the head, courtesy of Mrs. Lupin. Just as the dessert disappeared Dumbledore stood up.   
  
"Seeing as how you are all fed and ready to rest, I will make this announcement short." James was really starting to worry now as Professor Kane's smile grew wider and wider, as if he had the ultimate revenge under his hat. But that's not possible, the ultimate revenge would be... "We, the staff, feel that since Hogwarts is so big and spacious the parents will all be able to spend the week here so as to be closer to their children!" There was a loud groan from four particular boys, but it was quickly followed by those of others. Professor Kane stood up alongside Dumbledore.   
  
"I hope everyone has a good week, I know I will." He gave a psychotic laugh and sat down.   
  
*~~*~~*   
  
(A/N I was gonna end it here, but there is one more parent to meet. Introducing....)   
  
Lily went into the Three Broomsticks and saw the back of her father. He looked to be waxing his broomstick. (A/n if this fic wasn't pg-13 that might have sounded really bad :o)~)   
  
"Hello Mr. Evans," she said coldly.   
  
"That hurts baby," he said turning to face her. She gave a shrug and sat down across from him.   
  
"You want something to drink?"   
  
"No thank you," she said, looking out the window.   
  
"Come on. One butterbeer. You know you can't resist," he coaxed. She gave an impatient sigh and nodded. He ordered two butterbeers and they sat in silence. The butterbeers came, and still there was silence. The butterbeers were gone, and still silence ensued. She was about to get up and leave when he asked if she wanted to take a walk. She really didn't want to go, but decided to go ahead with it anyway. He took her to a part of Hogsmeade she had never seen before. It was a little ways from the big hill and there was a big wall in there way. He took her hand and togther they walked through the wall. On the other side of it was a canyon of some sort. It was breathtaking sight. He walked over to the edge of the cliff and sat down with his feet dangling. He motioned for her to do the same but she hesitated. What if she fell off and broke her nose or something? Then she would be a mess for the ball. 'Whoa! Wait a minute. Did I just think that? James was right, we are shallow.' She shook her head and sat down next to her father, still a little apprehensive.   
  
"Don't worry, Lil. This canyon has an enchantment on it. If you fall you'll bounce back up." Lily nodded, not wanting to ask how he found this out. "So, Lily, any special guy in your life?"   
  
"Not likely. I have major issues when it comes to the male sex. I wonder where that came from?" she asked sarcastically. He gave a heavy sigh and handed her a book.   
  
"I want you to read this," he said. "It might explain me better than I can."   
  
"Zen and the Art of Broomstick Care? This is supposed to explain why you are never home? Must be a hell of a book." She threw the book in the canyon and got up to leave. However, she forgot about the enchantment on the canyon and turned around just in time to see her father get whacked in the face with the book. She stifled a laugh and went over to see if he was okay. There was no permanent damage so she got up to leave when he called her back.   
  
"There is this big Wizard Convention to teach Muggles and Muggleborns all about the ups and downs of magic. It's a once in a life time opportunity and I want you to go with me. It's this weekend, what do you say?" he asked hopefully. She threw him a glare and got up again.   
  
"I'm kinda involved in something already. It's called the Founder's Day Ball, but you wouldn't know anything about it would you?" With that she stormed off through the wall hating her father more than ever. How dare he? Dumbledore sent every parent a letter. They all knew about it. He knew, but he thought that she would drop it all for him. Yeah right! Why should she when he never did?   
  
  
  
On the other side of the wall an owl landed in front of Mr. Evans. He took the letter and saw that it was invitation to stay at Hogwarts and attend the Founder's Day Ball.  
  
  
A/N I hope you guys liked it. I know I did. Now, I want to give a huge thanks to my beta-reader, googleduckie. So, here it is THANKS! 


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